Fish; Barrel; Gun.

by Erin on October 30, 2005


latex dress

You know, I haven't really made fun of anything here in a while, so my snark has gotten a bit rusty. I thought I'd start up again with something easy, like … I dunno, latex stripper dresses? Yeah. That easy. Like, the training wheels of dress snark. Not just training wheels, training wheels AND your dad running next to you. While you are wearing a helmet and elbow pads. Anyway.

I'm pretty sure you've figured it out by now, but clicking on that image will take you to a site that is very unsafe for work, unless you work at the Badda-Bing.

Here's the description of this dress. My comments are in italics. Dripping italics.

This latex rubber dress is perfect for any event. I'm glad, because Grandma's funeral is tomorrow and I need a black dress. A very, very shiny black dress. It has fabulous long sleeve dress that is not even English! with zip up full front & buckle neck with silver clasp. This is named for my girlfreind Trixie I worked in town with & used to slide down stripped poles. They were firefighters! Who knew! It gives cleavage and it taketh away? & it the best in sexiest latex clothing. something else is the best in "sexier latex clothing," or perhaps just clothing, full stop. Meduim Weight rubber to curve every hug. that is so good it needs no comment.

I especially like that, even though the dress is named "Trixie," the image file is named "Melissa." Everybody say hi to Melissa, now!

I also like that, on this page, they tell us that "Corsets date back to the 1940's when glam was what it was all about. You would NEVER see a lady in anything except high heels." Wait. I don't get it! If you'd never see a lady in anything but high heels, what did they do with the corsets? And if corsets don't predate the '40s, what was that thing I saw in Gone With The Wind?

Okay, whew. Now I feel the need to make some sex-positive, whatever-floats-your-boat, happy-happy disclaimer. Consider it disclaimed, and don't flame me just because you wear stuff like this every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

All right. That was a good warmup. Maybe, tomorrow, if I feel like it, I'll snark on Stella McCartney.

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

DO October 30, 2005 at 10:15 am

I’m not sure I follow. What exactly do you find wrong with this dress?

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sdn October 30, 2005 at 10:56 am

HA thank you for today’s laugh.

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Kevin October 30, 2005 at 10:56 am

She doesn’t like it because it doesn’t have pockets.

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Sonja October 30, 2005 at 11:21 am

I don’t get it. If it’s latex rubber, how did they get it so shiny?

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Anonymous October 30, 2005 at 11:48 am

$225? $225???? And no Peter Pan collar in sight!Madelene

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Shawn October 30, 2005 at 1:14 pm

It comes in colors other than black– red, pink, and “transparent.”

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Ellen October 30, 2005 at 2:01 pm

I actually have a dress with that basic shape, except it’s minus the buckle neck, about a foot longer, not shiny latex, less body-hugging, and in a demure black-and-white tweedy pattern. Appropriate for things like crossword tournament finals.The 1940s corset page is an example of how you can prove any wrong fact somewhere on the Web.

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sheri October 30, 2005 at 2:56 pm

Let’s face it, for a stripper dress, it’s pretty classy.

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Kevin October 31, 2005 at 8:15 am

Do a google on “latex shine”.Basically they’re silicone based sprays that make it all shiny (and probably ruin anything you sit on)

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alice October 31, 2005 at 7:06 pm

Please do go for Stella, because I really want to understand more about the mind that invented the shoulderless raincoat.

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Anonymous March 26, 2007 at 11:01 am

Thanks – I needed a new dress. :)

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