Five Somewhat Unjustifiable Fashion Rules of Mine

by Erin on January 31, 2006

Here are five fashion rules I will go to my grave promulgating:

  • You may wear watches made by WATCH COMPANIES ONLY. That means made by a company that primarily makes watches, or at least jewelry. Licensed watches are BAD, I don't care how fancy they are. So this means that, to me, a Timex watch is better than a Chanel one. I am particularly fond of Swatch and Hamilton, and these Frank Gehry watches for Fossil. Cartier is okay, I GUESS.
    (That part about Cartier — you knew it was sarcasm, right? Good.)
  • Gehry_fossil

  • Ferragamo pumpAny metal parts on a shoe, belt, or handbag should be completely and utterly without a logo. Yes, I mean Ferragamo and Gucci, too. I'm not a fan of the overt leather or fabric logo bags, either, but I understand some people are. If you have to wear a logo bag, it goes without saying that it must be genuine (not so much for the intellectual property issues — unlogo-ed style "homages" are fine, in my opinion — but because of the human misery that goes into their production and transport. Funnily enough, I find that people who say they like the "style" of a bag somehow aren't as interested in the knockoff without that logo … ).
  • incredibly tacky prom dressIf you tug on an item more than once while getting ready to go out, you're not allowed to leave the house in it. Life's too short to wear something uncomfortable or ill-fitting. See this dress? Not only is it so tacky that Elmer's wants it for a new glue, you couldn't walk a step without adjusting it. If you were lucky enough to have a chance to adjust it before the inevitable "wardrobe malfunction." Definitely can't leave the house in this one.
  • If you chose to wear the shoes, you're not allowed to complain about them. If masked bandits broke into your home and forced you into those 4-inch stilettos at gunpoint, fine, bitch away. If you're going to suffer for your shoes, suffer in silence. Me and my two-and-a-half inchers don't want to hear about it. I also don't want to hear "they'll be fine once I break them in!" when it's obvious that you aren't breaking in the shoes, the shoes are breaking YOU in. That's just Shoe Stockholm Syndrome. [Image unavailable.]
  • Dapper DanIf it looks like it something that normally has a function, it should function. This means, much like a Dapper Dan toy, all buttons button, all snaps snap, all zippers must zip and all ties must tie. Want something with corset lacing? Why not have it actually lace? I also prefer that buckles actually buckle, but understand and accept the long tradition of decorative buckles.

Aren't you glad my commission as Fashion Admiral hasn't yet come through?

I don't really have any Fashion Week content today, except that I inadvertently walked by Bryant Park yesterday. There were a lot of big white tents. Whoot! I promise, Fashion Week content tomorrow.

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Jonquil January 31, 2006 at 9:13 am

Along the “if it has a function, it should function”, there’s “If there’s an applied ornament, it should continue to the back.” I HATE sweaters that have a ring around the front of the neck, then nothing on the back. Same with dresses whose belts stop at the front-back seam unless it’s actually designed to be a half-belt. Pfeh.

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Jonquil January 31, 2006 at 9:41 am

Also? TAKE THE FRELLING TAG OFF YOUR PURSE. Thank you.

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Lusty L'Heureux January 31, 2006 at 11:28 am

Hello there–Just discovered this blog after a ton of link clicking and clicking (originally from the bloggingprojectrunway blog) and I love it! I’ve recently become a full-fledged dress addict myself, having made a number of delightful purchases… now if only I had a sewing machine… sigh. I have a keen eye, honestly, but an utter lack of talent :(P.S. that hippie dress you’ve all mimicked is gorgeous! and yes, a definite surprise with that bottega veneta dress… i had no idea either!

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Anonymous January 31, 2006 at 11:38 am

I agree with all of the above and want add one more. No masquerading as one thing when you are another. Noshirt with a second collar sewn in pretending to be two layered shirts. No v-necks with pretend sewn-in camisoles. No fake vests attached to shirt fronts.

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jilli January 31, 2006 at 11:47 am

Life’s too short to wear something uncomfortable or ill-fitting.Amen. (Of course, I have huge amounts of fun with this rule, because I always seem to end up in conversations with young women who endlessly tug at or fidget with parts of their clothing: “Isn’t that uncomfortable?” they ask me. They get very confused by the notion that outfits as elaborate (and petticoat-enhanced) as mine are more comfortable than their skin-tight shirt, jeans, and stilettos.)

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oliviacw January 31, 2006 at 12:13 pm

I agreee with the functional/no masquerading thing. No “twinsets” where the inner piece is simply a front sewn into the side seams of the cardigan.And I also have had bad experiences with licenced watches – I had an Anne Klein watch where BOTH HANDS fell off within a year after I bought it. I sent it in for repair, and IT DID IT AGAIN.

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ZantiMissKnit January 31, 2006 at 2:53 pm

I’m a Hamilton girl, all the way! None of that licensed crap. THANK YOU!

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Victor January 31, 2006 at 9:17 pm

Functional, check. My pet peeve is the sewn-shut pockets, or even worse, the pocket flaps with no actual pocket.

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Cynthia February 1, 2006 at 6:36 am

and can I add…please, oh please, no underwear should show through a garment, this includes ill fitting g-strings and tight bras…thank you

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zimmersarmy February 1, 2006 at 9:26 am

“Life’s too short to wear something uncomfortable or ill-fitting.”From one of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott:”Refuse to wear uncomfortable pants, even if they make you look really thin. Promise me you’ll never wear pants that bind or tug or hurt, pants that have an opinion about how much you’ve just eaten. The pants may be lying! There is way too mych lying and scolding going on politically tight now without having your pants get in on the act, too.”In my opinion,the same goes for dresses, skirts or shoes. You are the boss of your clothing. Since you paid for their way in life, you have the final say; your clothing should be one thing in your life that listens and agrees with you. Stamp out insubordinate fashion. -za

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jenny February 1, 2006 at 9:29 pm

Ugh. Me hate sweater/collar & cuff combos, too. Reminds me too much of tacky,itchy dickies (“Holiday Gift Idea #4).

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Anonymous September 16, 2006 at 7:52 am

Victor said, ” My pet peeve is the sewn-shut pockets”The pockets are sewn shut so the garment hangs properly in the shop. You are can cut the thread to open them when you get the garment home. Same with the tacked shut skirt slits.

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Charlottex June 19, 2007 at 5:46 pm

I finally decided to actually buy and wear clothing that fits instead of clothing that I wish I fit into or could fit into if I was “just” a few pounds less. The beauty of it being that i finally started watching what I ate and exercising and now I have the porblem of getting rid of clothing I loved but now is too big. More Vintage shopping for me!

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Anonymous August 9, 2007 at 2:21 pm

I THINK ITS UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Anonymous September 9, 2007 at 6:57 pm

Keep up the great work. It very impressive. Enjoyed the visit!

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Anonymous October 4, 2007 at 2:31 pm

for sumone to wear that sluty skimpy dress they mush be a whore or a hooker or even mabe a prostitute!!! EWW cover your girls lady

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Lou December 3, 2007 at 6:49 am

somebody wise above said their pet peeve was pockets sewn shut. i agree. pockets are POCKETS and should be used.i will take your advice to heart and never again buy anything that is awkward. those heels were soo nice though…

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kengie February 1, 2008 at 2:24 pm

people…that is the ugliest dress i have ever seen…i mean EVER!!! i mean who would even where that?

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Away March 14, 2009 at 8:55 am

just read the post about pockets being sewn shut for in shops and reexamined the pockets on my suit jacket. Now finally after 2 years I have pockets. Feel kinda dumb though

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