More polka-dots!

by Erin on June 28, 2006


tikiboutique halter

Okay, work with me here. Imagine this dress being worn by someone who hadn't been able to talk/bribe/threaten her plastic surgeon into giving her ginormous implants. Concentrate instead on the enormous polka dots (I know, I know, they don't look so large next to those other unnaturally round objects, but try). Think about the cute border along the hem, and the pockets.

In fact, the pockets are so great that the description calls them "most sexy and unique"! Too bad the rest of the description is incoherent, saying the dress has an "empire drop waist" (a contradiction in terms) and is "perfect for ant occasion" by which I suppose they mean picnics, although that sounds more like a crossword clue than anything else. I pass over the apostrophe and capitalization problems as being unworthy of our time. (Why, oh why do these sites not hire copyeditors? I know plenty who would work for free clothes!)

It's only $58, and sized small-medium-large. (Large is a 38 bust, 34 waist.) Click on the image to visit the site. There are a couple other cute halters and goddessy gowns, but they're interspersed with dresses only useful to people auditioning for the role of "pole girl #3" in a rap video. (They also have the worst Duro version I've seen yet.)

Oh, did I mention this is from TikiBoutique.com? Or did the GIANT PHOTO WATERMARK give it away? (To be fair, there was one unmarked photo, but the model's implants are so freakishly disturbing in it I didn't want to post it. When did they develop antigrav silicone, and why didn't anyone tell me?)

By the way, please don't click on this, unless you have something to scrub your eyeballs with after — just the words "party halter gaucho jumpsuit" should be enough to give you nightmares for quite some time. (They did me.) See what I go through to bring you cute cheap dresses?

{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }

Helen June 28, 2006 at 7:58 am

Loving the badness… Horrendous Duro dress even has contrast pinstripe wiast bans … Absolutely dreadful! Erin, promise that when you make this dress you will at least have the decency match the contrast band to the spots they are intended to coordinate with! Thanks so much xx

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IA June 28, 2006 at 8:09 am

It’s difficult to tell what the dress really looks like, with those . . . things . . . crammed into it (what could she have been thinking?), but I do love the green and brown version.And I know I’m a scrub for saying this, but I don’t mind the Duro knockoff. I don’t share your Duro passion in the first place, though. That style, even in its purest original, would make me look like an especially frowsy hippie, circa 1977.The green and brown halter dress, on the other hand, would make me look like a tarty hippie, which is an image I feel I can safely rock.

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angela June 28, 2006 at 8:25 am

Hi there,the gaucho jumpsuit is just fabulous. I’m still giggling….You’ve made my day!Many thanks,Angela

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john June 28, 2006 at 8:42 am

tiki boobtique

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the_lazymilliner June 28, 2006 at 8:58 am

Erin, I think you’ve been influenced by the blogger from supersexypictures who posted yesterday. Here’s another thing: couldn’t the stylist take a moment to iron this dress? The dress would hang so much better, and it wouldn’t look like the model was just super-eager to show off her cleavage.

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McJulie-O June 28, 2006 at 9:16 am

[quote] Here’s another thing: couldn’t the stylist take a moment to iron this dress? [/quote]Exactly what I was thinking!!!!

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Anonymous June 28, 2006 at 9:17 am

you know, for one thing, that model, plastic surgery notwithstanding, has got to be at least a 10. she’s the most ordinary looking model i’ve ever seen, hooray for that (you can see pictures of her where they didn’t cut off her head in the sale section, she’s staring balefully at the camera)and, hey, it’s nice to see at least how a large chest will actually fit the clothes they’re selling!

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bani June 28, 2006 at 9:40 am

I’m with Bbrug on pretty much everything! And OMG, that jumpsuit was hilarious.

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anneland22 June 28, 2006 at 9:57 am

I don’t believe that the “scrub-your-eyes-after” photo is an image of a real person…not all of it anyway.

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Gigi June 28, 2006 at 10:05 am

That’s a good one, John! This dress is adorable but the plastic tatas are very disturbing.

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robbie June 28, 2006 at 10:13 am

do you think tube-tops will make a come-back?

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Zoltar Panaflex June 28, 2006 at 10:26 am

The “party halter gaucho jumpsuit” is horrific indeed.I also think that website is charitable in hiring girls with such bad posture.I’ve scrubbed my eyes with Brillo and can procede with my day (sewing a hideous Issey Miyake pattern…)

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meara June 28, 2006 at 10:33 am

Ooh, that one is greatly colorful, but I think I’d be more likely to wear the blue/white/purple/brown one (here) or the green and brown one. So cute! I am, however, skeptical on teh sizing: a large is a size 7/8? With a 38 bust and a 34 waist??? It says “Up to” 34. I’m really wondering how this dress would fit me…but their return policy is store credit only. Hmph.

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Jenn June 28, 2006 at 10:37 am

Great site…I linked to it so I could visit it!

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rowena___. June 28, 2006 at 11:23 am

well, i don’t actually mind the duro dress (although i’m really fond of those dresses to begin with)–however, tiki boobtique ;) has jumpsuits–there is just no excuse for that.

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Mandy June 28, 2006 at 11:30 am

Tiki Boutique has now endeared themselves to me by having not only some sext plus size clothes, but an actual size chart. I can forgive the implants in the face of these things. :)

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Sara June 28, 2006 at 11:55 am

Awww Erin, don’t be hatin the fake Duro dress! Us “it’s all about our skinny waists that confuse people into thinking our hips aren’t the size of California either” girls love the waist piece. So defining! (Poly-spandex sucks though.)I just might have to get the Duro pattern and alter it to fit a waist piece. The way it is now, it would be tent-like to the nth power. No good.

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erma June 28, 2006 at 12:13 pm

I actually saw a half a Duro (the top half) at Logan airport the other day. I think it works better as a dress than just a top.

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peg June 28, 2006 at 12:25 pm

Honestly, I don’t know how the skinny little legs of the party-halter-gaucho-jumpsuit girl can hold up those bodacious ta-tas. Yowzers!

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Anonymous June 28, 2006 at 12:58 pm

Party-Halter-Gaucho-Jumpsuit is truly awful. In my neck of the woods those awful knit gaucho things are all the rage and I haven’t seen one person that looks nice in them, not one. Now some evil genius has attached a halter top to them, the PTA moms around here are sure to snap them up and I will be accosted by these horrors everywhere. I am very, very afraid.

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sweetdarlin June 28, 2006 at 1:01 pm

Wow! I’m shocked you kept searching through that site with all those unperportionnate photos randomy smaking you in the face.It is a cute dress though, but I’m still not sure about the colour polka dots. I’m more into classic black and white small polka dots.TOODLES

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Erica B. June 28, 2006 at 1:26 pm

This all should be labeled “Hoochie Mama Chic”.

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Absinthe June 28, 2006 at 2:23 pm

Im so blonde! I couldn’t figure out why the horrible Duro dress had all of this tacky writing/ print all across the ugly pinstriped waist band. Then it finally occurred to my fog shrouded brain that it was yet another huge photo watermark. LOL!Knowing that the print doesn’t come on the dress still doesn’t make me love it any better though.

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Anonymous June 28, 2006 at 2:42 pm

Erin, where do you find this stuff?!?!? “Party halter gaucho jumpsuit”, now where’s my SOS pad? Extra soap, please!

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arabellaesmerelda June 28, 2006 at 2:44 pm

While I was checking out the TitiBo…oops! … I mean TikiBoutique site I came across the grecian goddess dress. I’m afraid my thinking about green goddess dressing (not that there was a lot to start with) has been forever altered.

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robbie June 28, 2006 at 2:56 pm

I think the model’s mammories look very natural. I bet she’ld look great in a tube-top, or maybe a terry romper?

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IA June 28, 2006 at 3:05 pm

Robbie, where have you been? Tube tops–or “toaster cozies,” as one of my friends contagiously calls them–have been back “in” for about three years, at least in NYC. They’re most often paired with tight sweatpants that have blackletter text printed across the butt, e.g., “Princess.”Speaking of Brillo-padding one’s eyeballs . . .

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Hecate June 28, 2006 at 5:40 pm

Erin is scaring me.

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enc June 28, 2006 at 7:05 pm

That halter thing was laughable. Gee whiz.

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Anonymous June 28, 2006 at 8:17 pm

Can’t say I share an enthusiasm for this polka dot dress. It looks cheap and poorly made. The same goes for the previous dress (the one that started the whole card thing). That dress puckers at the bust and shoulder area–a sign of a poorly made garment. Bring back the vintage dresses!

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Thoughts on Life and Millinery. June 28, 2006 at 8:22 pm

This dress is like an optic earworm…it keeps popping up in my mind and will not go away!And I thought regular earworms were bad!

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Katie June 29, 2006 at 9:11 am

Jeebus; as if gaucho jumper-thing wasn’t enough terribleness for one garment, they had to add assymetrical hemlines?! And oh Dear Robbie, it would be so hot with a tube top instead of a halter. Yes. Thanks for showing a pretty dress AND making me laugh, Erin!

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Huoy June 29, 2006 at 12:45 pm

I like this site (aside from the hooker dresses). The dresses are reasonably priced, and I have seen some of the nice dresses in pricer boutiques in and around Orange County, CA. I might have to order something…

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Kate June 30, 2006 at 12:56 pm

I saw someone wearing this dress on the street literally two hours after I read this post!! I almost leapt out of the cab at the poor girl, but I managed to restrain myself. It looked much, much, better in person. Under natural light the tones were slightly more muted and more harmonious together, and the dots, for whatever reason, looked smaller. She wore it with cream-colored espadrilles that matched the background fabric, and it was really quite cute for a summer day.

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Dale July 3, 2006 at 8:05 am

Ok, now I’m addicted to the Tikiboutique dress site, and it’s not like I don’t have more pressing things to do…Loved the Halter Studded Plunge Dress in brown. It reminded me of what Raquel Welch wore in the movie Barbarella, where she played a well-endowed cave woman. There must be some invisible bra that keeps all those D cups perky in the cut-up-to-here and down-to-there dresses with nary a strap in sight.

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Michelle July 4, 2006 at 3:14 pm

i think ms. polka dots should have got out the iron before posing.

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Michelle July 4, 2006 at 3:14 pm

i think ms. polka dots should have got out the iron before posing.

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jess July 9, 2006 at 2:58 pm

are you going to make this dress? i would love your insight as to how to go about this (novice here). i think this is adorable, but it can’t be that hard to make, right?

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Anonymous July 12, 2006 at 3:34 am

It’s amazing of how much comments we have about a skinny person with big natural looking boobs with cute curves! I think what’s not natural are all those flat chested 98 pounds super models on drugs! it is clear that this girl is no more that 18. Just look at her youthfull skin. This website clearly caters to sexy young girls. and lets face it, these things are hot in the big cities. I think we all are picking at this girl because deep down were all fat and only wish we could have a body like that to show off. I know if I had a body like that i would show it off. and as for the website, I did some homework on the company. They have been around for 4-years now selling over 50K a month. THEY MUST BE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT! I don’t think erin should be so hard on this site. especially when planning on copying the dresses.

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valentina July 22, 2006 at 9:39 pm

Today I saw this dress in real life. A friend of mine wore it, having bought it yesterday thanks to the deluge that happened in NYC. Had it not rained cats and dogs, she wouldn’t have popped into that store and coudln’t have worn it today for me to see. It’s fabulous. And I felt dorky (not really) for knowing the dress before ever having really seen it.

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Anonymous October 6, 2006 at 8:51 am

It is amazing how jealous women are over such a hot body.I am in the business, and tikiboutique.com rocks. I have purchased clothes for a number of modeling shoots from them.They now have a store front in Miami,and are setting the city on fire.What they sell for $50.00 sells in other boutiques for 150.00.Also, I did my homework as well, and the model is 25, and the owner.

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Anonymous August 17, 2007 at 12:56 pm

The only reason why this website places the photo watermarks on the pictures is so no one can steal the photos. The website is nice, have been altered, no hoochie mama clothing you talk about. The model is gorgeous. Jelousy does make people do and say things only because they want the same thing deep down. Ofcourse everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Beautiful dresses that you can wear everyday and to top it off are affordable.

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Gina December 9, 2007 at 1:40 pm

I LOVE TIKIBOUTIQUE!!!!!!!!

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