My eyes are up HERE

by Erin on July 23, 2007

Tocca Dress

This falls squarely under the category "What were they thinking?"

I mean, really. I can't imagine any sane woman buying this dress and expecting not to have to constantly, um, *refocus* the conversation. Or feeling comfortable wearing it any place where she might possibly encounter fourteen-year-old boys.

Of course, if you were of the right cup size to wear this dress sans support, you might enjoy a little bit of optical reinforcement. Maybe. Perhaps. It's a thought.

Aw, hell, who are we kidding? This dress is a train wreck. One caused by the engineer taking his eyes from the track, actually.

The topper, of course, is that the slightly darker image on her right side looks like a third nipple. (Hey! You were thinking it too! Or if you weren't, you are now.)

If you would like to buy this dress (perhaps to film yourself wearing it and the reactions of those around you, as an interesting documentary topic), it's at Nordstroms. It's by Tocca (who should Know Better), and is $319. (As usual, click on the image to visit the catalog page.)

[Thanks to Dianne for the link!]

{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

Nancy July 24, 2007 at 7:27 am

HAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAThat is so funny. Best thing I’ve seen in a while.


Anonymous July 24, 2007 at 7:53 am

It’s kinda hoot owl-ish.


Anonymous July 24, 2007 at 7:54 am

Why do you like the maxi with a halter look top, and not the “train wreck”? Boobs are boobs. I always tell people that fabric is our friend, and that they should surround themselves in as much of it as they can! I LOVE fabric; why do people think skin is interesting? Fabric is MUCH prettier! P.S. – I love maxi lengths, too! I also love your site! – AMS


Susanne July 24, 2007 at 8:16 am

I’d say this might be lovely if made from different fabric. And I had to resist the urge to show this picture to a couple of teenage boys (who just happened to pass my computer) very firmly. “So, what do you think of this dress?” “Um. There’s a dress?”


Vyola July 24, 2007 at 8:29 am

It is a sad, sad commentary on my character that I hope you will get many more chances to use your new labels of train_wrecks and unfortunate_prints.


mickey July 24, 2007 at 8:51 am

I asked my 8 year old daughter what she thought of the dress and she instantly replied “Boobs!”. It’s a shame, that could have been so pretty…


oracle July 24, 2007 at 8:54 am

Once, I knew a woman who had a third nipple.Concerning the dress, even beyond the issue of placing a circular motif at each bust point what if one of the motifs was noticeably off-centre!


Anonymous July 24, 2007 at 9:02 am

It really is a shame, if it didn’t have the big flowers over her boobs it would be such a pritty dress!


A Soldier's Girl July 24, 2007 at 9:40 am

As a woman with D-DD cups, you couldn’t get me into that dress if you put a gun to my husband’s head.If you put a gun to mine, I’d let you shoot me to avoid having to wear the “OMG LOOK AT THE BOOBIES” dress.


Fabulous Frocks July 24, 2007 at 10:40 am

Hilarious!Fabulous Frocks


Isabelle July 24, 2007 at 11:20 am

Oh dear. Oh dear.


Penny July 24, 2007 at 11:22 am

Oh my! :)


Emily Cartier July 24, 2007 at 11:50 am

The alternate print is very nice. Tocca has at least one other dress at Nordstroms with similar print issues tho… the other is giant maroon polka dots on a white background. Polka dots centered on the nipples. Again.I suspect these dresses are aimed at women with a smaller chest than me. I probably would have liked them a great deal when I was young and wore an A cup.


Charles July 24, 2007 at 11:58 am

With the slight gap between the two passes of the red belt/sash, I end up seeing a face, with an open mouth and its tongue hanging out.Leading to the question, “Ma’am, why is your dress staring at me like that?”


Ladygrande (Texas Marie) July 24, 2007 at 12:21 pm

And to think that someone spent a lot of time setting this pattern and fabric up to cut so it would be exactly as it is. Wow! Maybe one of those skinny *poor*little*rich*girls would wear this to get even more attention. I showed this to three of my teenage granddaughters – they would not wear it!


Lisa Laree July 24, 2007 at 12:42 pm

And to think I ripped apart and remade a top to avoid that same problem….


Anonymous July 24, 2007 at 12:51 pm

Like “a soldier’s girl”, I too am a D cup and have been since I was 15. Over the years the embarrassing attention I received was hard to take and I usually wore large, lose tops. Even without the “targets”, I had a stranger grab me in the breasts in a crowded area. The designer isn’t thinking with this one! Even if you are small why wear this type of dress?


Marie-Christine July 24, 2007 at 2:10 pm

Oh, the evils of over-matching… This reminds me of the ‘log cabin target’ vests favored by quilters for a long while…


Kim P. July 24, 2007 at 2:21 pm

Charles, you have given a whole new meaning to this dress! I went back to look at it, and now all I see is a crazed tiki doll. Yikes! Perhaps when leering lechers “gaze” into those “eyes” they will be turned into zombies forever! (One can only hope….)


MostlyTextiles July 24, 2007 at 2:26 pm

If I were so inclined, I think I can get guys to focus on my chest, or make up my own fash-trash (sorry) look for a whole lot less than $310.00. Alternatively, I can gain all the wanted type of attention for much less, as well. Sheesh P.S. – Scooped up a ‘walk-away’ pattern! Thanks for that post.P.P.S. The ‘unfortunate_print’ tag is an elegant understatement, but it implies that the result was unintended and unforeseen, perhaps due to a either a planetary alignment or confluence of events beyond the pattern drafter’s control. Anything but, in this case. Ick.


Anonymous July 24, 2007 at 5:11 pm

This is really sad to me because the fabric is so fantastic, the combination of colors is unusual but very eye-pleasing, and I am in love with the details – the contrast bottom, the looong tie, and the little gathers at the base of the straps. But maybe its a good thing, because I won’t pay $300 for those bulls-eyes, and if they wern’t there I’d be really tempted! I’ve learned that the only dresses I look good in are V-neck A-lines that hit just below the knee, and bonus for a waist sash.I really can’t support calling it a train wreck, to me its more of an ‘almost’.


enc July 24, 2007 at 6:29 pm

Maybe you could just black that dangerous bit in with a Sharpie. Maybe not.


meara July 25, 2007 at 8:07 am

Clearly I am no kind of proper lesbian. I had to look at it a few times before I figured out what you were talking about. I was like “Well, sure, if you’re larger busted, and can’t wear a bra, maybe a problem, but for those of us A cups, it’s a cute dress, wtf?” Then finallyr ealized what you were having issue with. Ooh.Good thing I wasn’t SHOPPING this sleepy…


BJ July 25, 2007 at 12:46 pm

It’s dresses like this that made me haul out my sewing machine again. Not only is the placement of those flowers unfortunate (and, Charles, I totally see the face now!), but the price? Yeesh. I bought some lovely lawn on sale for $4/yard, a pattern on sale for $0.99, and three hours of work. Voila!Besides, they don’t make those in my size. I may be large but that style is still flattering.


Anonymous July 25, 2007 at 11:06 pm

Maybe we’ll see Britney Spears in this dress soon. Of course, her version will be cut lower, with bigger snowflakes on the, uh, bust. The hemline would have to be about two feet shorter, too.


Andrea July 26, 2007 at 6:01 am

hahahaha, fully agree. It’s quite funny actually.


Mom2fur July 26, 2007 at 1:24 pm

They really hit the ‘bullseye’ on this one!


Anonymous August 1, 2007 at 4:58 am

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this dress. Not everyone has a D cup and this style looks very nice on women with an A or smallish B cup.


Dame January 15, 2009 at 6:37 am

Ahahaha. Dang, those prints really look like nipple covers. What an unlikely part to put those ethnic prints.


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