Today’s Pattern Story: Butterick 4995

by Erin on January 28, 2013

Butterick 4995

Hi! Hi! I am so glad you’re here! Really really glad! Like, super glad! I thought more people would come, but that’s okay! It’s really okay! It can be just you and me! We will have SO MUCH FUN. Like, tons of fun! What’s your name? There are nametags if you want one! I didn’t want one. My name is Samantha but people call me Sam. Or Sammy. Nobody calls me “Mantha,” though that would be funny. Or “Mantha Ray.” It would be funny to have a “Mantha Ray” costume. I think manta rays are beautiful, don’t you? Although they’re a little scary. Just a little.

ANYWAY! Let’s not talk about scary things! I’m glad you’re here! We can get started any time. Now, if you want! Do you want to start now? If you come a little bit closer we can start now. It’s very nice that you’re here! It’s nice to meet you! I would shake your hand but I don’t like germs. Not that I’m saying you’re germy. I just don’t like germs in general. Or milk. I don’t like milk in general either. But if you like milk that’s okay, I just didn’t bring any today. Because I don’t like it.

If you come a little closer we can get started. No, I don’t have anything behind my back. Why do you ask?¬†WHY DON’T YOU COME A LITTLE CLOSER NOW?


Come back!


{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

sewperstitious January 28, 2013 at 8:28 am

I love to read your Pattern Stories – thank you for all of them!


PendleStitches January 28, 2013 at 9:39 am

So funny! She’s not creepy in the slightest!


Josie January 28, 2013 at 3:14 pm

I always love your pattern stories, but oh gosh…this is my favorite so far. I’m sitting here at work with tears in my eyes, laughing silently, drawing strange looks from the others…and I DON’T CARE.


beate January 28, 2013 at 3:26 pm

thank you for this :-) :-) :-)


Shelley January 28, 2013 at 6:13 pm



Packrat January 28, 2013 at 6:36 pm

That was scary. LOL


Liza D. January 29, 2013 at 1:08 am

Wonderfully witty, as always. And the only thing scarier than the story is the pattern itself.


Tina January 29, 2013 at 6:17 am

I vote with the others, this might be my favorite Secret Lives story yet. Really truly LOL!


Elikit January 29, 2013 at 9:05 pm

Awwww, I kinda want to have a decaf coffee with ‘Mantha.


Evalyn January 29, 2013 at 10:43 pm

She’s just the kind of person that would make us all sit in a circle, introduce ourselves and then do some role playing. That’s my nightmare.


Laura January 30, 2013 at 1:40 pm

My response to the photo was mostly to worry about her – what happened to her hands? I also admire her spunkiness – bravely smiling even though she’s alone in a public place. Is this after the zombie apocalypse? Is she the only one left?
I would totally wear that outfit.


Cel January 30, 2013 at 1:43 pm

Sammy is a dear, and she’s exhausting.


jerrycct February 2, 2013 at 5:34 am

These are just priceless. I’d love to see you take swipe at some old Sears catalogs sometime!


Doris February 5, 2013 at 10:18 am

Really, really funny!


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