I've been meaning to review Wife Dressing: The Fine Art of Being a Well-Dressed Wife
Make no mistake, this is a book primarily about "dressing for HIM" (the sub-subtitle is "With Provocative Notes for the Patient Husband Who Pays the Bills") and, although Fogarty was a very successful designer, she downplays that quite a bit (she spends more time talking about her eighteen-inch waist!). You get the impression that perhaps her Mister (one or all of them; she married three times) wasn't entirely comfortable with a breadwinning wife and that this book, in part, was meant to reassure him that he, too, was important in her life … even if she was selling thousands of dollars of dresses every year.
But once you get past that, the book is full of gems, such as:
A travel wardrobe is personal. … It is a condensation of your regular wardrobe, not a separate entity. After all, you're still the same person whether you're at home or far away, and you'll want familiar garments with you. Never cut your gear so close to the bone that you leave your personality behind.
(italics Fogarty's)
or how about this?
As for flagrant bad taste, there aren't too many examples. Shorts on a city street is one of the worst. This shows a lack of self-respect and a contempt for the people who are properly dressed. …. Strapless dresses in town are as bad. If a dress is strapless, it's either a cocktail dress that should be worn after five or else it's a sundress and should stay in the sun.
And my favorite:
The art of courage and discretion is a clarion cry for individuality, a turning away from slavish adherence to every fashion or beauty trend. Courage and discretion go hand in hand: the courage to dare to be yourself, the discretion not to overdo; the courage to do something unusual, the discretion to temper it.
That's good advice for everyone, whether there's a husband in the picture or not. In fact, it's even good advice for husbands themselves.
A Dress A Day 
“The art of courage and discretion is a clarion cry for individuality.” I could have used these words yesterday when I was the only adult among hundreds to wear an Easter hat.
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Ah, I see from the notes at Amazon.com that this book was written in 1959. Her comments about wearing shorts on the street rang a bell for me; my mother forbade us to wear shorts when we went downtown(even in our little upstate New York town, where “downtown” was all of about 4 blocks long and was about two blocks from my house). Of course, this was an era when no one wore pants to school at all – I did not get the “right” to wear slacks to school until the winter of 1970, after girls in Massena, NY(snuggled up next to the Canadian border)successfully sued the State Ed Dept. for the right not to come to school with frostbite on their knees from having to wait for school buses in skirts.
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I grew up in a very small town in the 70s/80s and even then my mother would not let us wear shorts “to town”!As a breadwinning wife myself, I simply wish I had the luxury of time to think so deeply about my wardrobe. I’d gladly trade roles with him and spend all day keeping house and looking fabulous.
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Dahling, I understand the clarion call to individuality, but I must disagree with her call to not overdo. Dear darling Mama always advised me, “When in doubt, overdress. That way you’ll always be the best-looking woman in the room.” As for shorts…ugh. Living in NYC, one cannot escape them, even in the depths of winter. Particularly on men.
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Yes, great advice!I second (and third) the comments on shorts. So many Americans these days look like they’re dressed for a picnic, or for cleaning out their garage, no matter what they’re doing. The sartorial infantilizing of the population is also a problem. Why, if you’re 40, do you want to dress like your 12-year-old son or daughter? Spring is coming, which means hordes of tourists in Washington, D.C., where I work. I’m continually amazed at entire families that are dressed exactly alike. It’s like some weird SNL skit.
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P.S. LOVE the cover design!
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Here in Columbia, SC home of the Gamecocks, I have to endure college girls, of various proportion, with “COCKS” emblazoned across their buttocks.*Shudder* And sometimes their bosom
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The only men who should be wearing shorts downtown, or outside home/gym/etc are postmen. Women, IMO, never. Now if only I could get it through my mother’s head that I. Do. Not. Wear. Shorts…..
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I lived in Madrid, Spain for 3 years; Wearing shorts in the city meant you were an American. It was always so embarrassing to me to see American college girls in baggy basketball shorts, sneakers and tee-shirts at the Prado. I wanted to tap them on the shoulder and say,”Couldn’t you represent a little bit better?” It was just so sloppy and unkempt by Spanish standards. You wouldn’t even see it on a beach there. Perhaps the concept of “When in Rome….” is no longer emphasized. Respect for another culture goes a long way.As to strapless and low-cut dresses: I’ve noticed that many TV shows have actresses sporting considerable decolletage even if they are playing the part of a doctor or lawyer. Perhaps the producers think it brings in more viewers.I’m with Theresa re the obscene language on clothes. I cringe whenever I read “Hard Tail” (whatever that means) or “Juicy” (I know what that means) on a ladies behind. I don’t know which is worse; prostituting oneself to advertise someone else’s product or suggesting that one is indeed “juicy” or has a “hard tail”. Do men really need this kind of encouragement? And is this how women wish to be perceived? If Anne Fogarty is all about dressing appropriately, whether one is a wife or otherwise employed, I’m all for it. Of course if these “Hard Tail” girls are prostitutes, well, then it makes sense. Heheh.
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I lived in Madrid, Spain for 3 years; Wearing shorts in the city meant you were an American. It was always so embarrassing to me to see American college girls in baggy basketball shorts, sneakers and tee-shirts at the Prado. I wanted to tap them on the shoulder and say,”Couldn’t you represent a little bit better?” It was just so sloppy and unkempt by Spanish standards. You wouldn’t even see it on a beach there. Perhaps the concept of “When in Rome….” is no longer emphasized. Respect for another culture goes a long way.As to strapless and low-cut dresses: I’ve noticed that many TV shows have actresses sporting considerable decolletage even if they are playing the part of a doctor or lawyer. Perhaps the producers think it brings in more viewers.I’m with Theresa re the obscene language on clothes. I cringe whenever I read “Hard Tail” (whatever that means) or “Juicy” (I know what that means) on a ladies behind. I don’t know which is worse; prostituting oneself to advertise someone else’s product or suggesting that one is indeed “juicy” or has a “hard tail”. Do men really need this kind of encouragement? And is this how women wish to be perceived? If Anne Fogarty is all about dressing appropriately, whether one is a wife or otherwise employed, I’m all for it. Of course if these “Hard Tail” girls are prostitutes, well, then it makes sense. Heheh.
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Anne Fogarty.. THE Anne Fogarty that used to design sewing patterns in the 50s for Advance?!Strange coincidence or interesting truth? I gotta go look this up and see if she’s one & the same!
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Oh, yes, you said that. WOW, now I want to read it!!
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It always bothers me when someone says that, “This-or-that kind of clothing shows a lack of self-respect.” It seems dishonest. The real issue is that the speaker doesn’t like that style of dress, and it’s insulting to phrase it as concern for the other person’s wellbeing. The reactions your clothes elicit from other people don’t really tell anything about how you feel about yourself.
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Beg to differ. Clothes DO convey respect (among other things), and it’s disingenuous to pretend otherwise. Would you wear shorts to a funeral? Doubt it. And you don’t need anyone to tell you why. You know instinctively it would be disrespectful.Clothes are an expression of the self. Clothes say a lot of things (as Erin often writes about on this blog). Of course we all have different likes and dislikes when it comes to clothes. Of course we’re all biased one way or another. That doesn’t negate the fact that clothes speak.And I for one am not pretending that I have any special concern about somebody’s well-being because they’re wearing shorts. I AM saying that I think wearing shorts in certain settings is, at best, goofy, and, at worst, disrespectful.
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My grandmother, married to a British Army major, designed and sewed dresses for other officer’s wives before WWII broke out. Money was incredibly tight in those days, and luxuries like having a broad selection of dresses to wear, or buying new shoes for one’s children, were simply out of the question. But that didn’t mean women in England gave up on dressing well: my grandmother recalled a little network of girlfriends who’d summon each other when someone found a stray parachute in the branches of an oak tree: they’d bring along a child with tree-climbing talent, and the women would wait on the ground, scissors in hand, and slice up the silk to share and take home to make pretty lingerie.That’s how important beautiful clothes were–not as a means to display how rich one was, but rather, as an expression of hope, of self-love; as a way to show one’s children and the world that there was–that there always must be–something worth dressing up for even as another church or school or town hall was obliterated by a bomb.Shorts? Shorts?? My grandmother never, ever wore shorts anywhere other than the beach itself. She wore linen trousers and an embroidered blouse to tend to her rose garden. Because, as she would always note, you never know if one of the neighbors might stop by for tea.Listen, I live in Florida. Fewer places are more rife with badly-dressed people, and that’s before you even get to Orlando, home of the Mouse t-shirt and Donald Duck leggings–for grown women! I see other mothers bring their kids to Thursday Chapel wearing their workout clothes.And all it says to me is, They just don’t have much respect–for themselves, for the institution of the church and school, for whomever accompanies them. There is a time and place for everything, and the place for gym clothes is the gym, just as the place for shorts–and I refer to the frayed, sloppy or overtly sporty ones, not the neatly-pressed Italian linen Bermuda-length ones you see on the police in the islands–is the beach.
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Good for you, LazyMilliner! All I did was wear a new dress and I stood out at our Easter service. Plus I had to spend the morning trying to make my 14 year old son understand that some occasions deserve better clothing. He was annoyed at having to wear a shirt with a COLLAR on it with his jeans. Not even a tie! Here in North Carolina anytime the sun shines you’ll see shorts and flip flops, even if the temp is freezing. At my job I see people come in for job applications looking like slobs. Also we see employees of other companies in outrageous clothes. One day an attorney sent a messenger over with some documents – she was wearing an outfit that I swear Madonna wore in one of her videos. As long as people are comfortable, they think they look fine. Can you tell this topic struck a nerve?? Meanwhile, even though this author makes some valid points, can I just say I also hate the title? Her tone sounds a little too much like the wife is just another of the husband’s assets – car, house, *thin* well-dressed wife. It’s all an interesting discussion and someone could probably get a good thesis out of it. Dawn
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Strapless dresses in town are as bad. If a dress is strapless, it’s either a cocktail dress that should be worn after five or else it’s a sundress and should stay in the sun.I couldn’t agree more. And they don’t belong in church, either. Speaking of church, I counted seven Easter bonnets (eight, if you include my friend Mike’s Panama straw hat) on Easter Sunday morning, and mine was the most interesting. Not the prettiest, perhaps, but the most interesting, if only because it was clearly vintage, flamboyantly royal blue, and (to my satisfaction, if no one else’s) union-made. @):-)
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Ah, hats in church, Lazymillener. I wore a beautiful hat to church on Easter a few years ago (okay, maybe more than a few because I bought it in New Orleans pre-Katerina). After the service, several older women came up to me all excited, hoping that hats had come back into style!I haven’t worn a hat to church since, out of concern that it might distract others from worship.
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I haven’t worn a hat to church since, out of concern that it might distract others from worship. — I don’t know why but that statement cracked me up!
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The courage/discretion advice is useful. We seem to have lost sight of discretion a little too much. I went to a swearing-in ceremony for new British citizens a couple of summers ago. It was a very hot day and some of the soon-to-be Brits came along in T-shirts and shorts, which I felt was just a tiny bit over-casual. What sent my needle into the red, though, was that one guy had an F-word expletive on his back involving a generic maternal figure. I just didn’t think that reflected quite the right spirit in which to stand tall during the national anthem and swear allegiance to another generic maternal figure (HRH). But maybe I missed a trick somewhere.
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I love you people. You successfully hit on every single one of my pet peeves when it comes to how poorly people tend to dress these days. Or undress. This summer, if I see one more desperately obese man without a shirt, muffin topping out of his shorts, and jiggling by – well I may just hurl. Right then and there.I want to salute, thank or otherwise praise anyone I see downtown where I live who is wearing pretty much anything other than jeans (and usually trainers) – they are that rare. :-(I am going to buy this book. I love old books on etiquette. Who was it that said something like being properly dressed is like having good manners?
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I love the excerpts of this book. I have often said to my husband how I look is an outward express of his love for me. This has often gotten me the object of my desire. A new dress and pair of shoes, new purse whatever.I read an article some months ago about how people are afraid dress well. Often top off a beautiful dress with a demin jacket to add the right amount of not looking to good!I will buy this book.
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I found this entry very interesting, as I am one of those people who wears shorts (not the obscenely short variety) or jeans and tennis shoes regularly when I’m out and about taking care of everyday tasks – shopping, getting mail, etc. I do dress appropriately when I go to work, for church, and for other special events because it is the right thing to do and to *not* dress that way feels wrong.But for everyday wear, I’m not sure what’s so evil about shorts, jeans, or athletic shoes. Some people (or maybe just me) wear them because they’re more comfortable and more practical than skirts, dresses, and “dressy” shoes. I’d love to wear dresses/skirts/dress shoes more often, but after a couple of hours, the discomfort just isn’t worth it.I agree people should dress appropriately, and I too cringe when I see guys or girls with body parts hanging out of their too-tight/too-small/too-low clothes.Is the dislike I’m seeing in the post and comments stemming from personal dislike for those types of clothing (do these people not ever wear such clothes outside of the beach?) or because they perceive that people wearing such clothes are being disrespectful to others (or rather, to others’ sense of fashion, style, and propriety)?
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I’m quoting Adrian Leeds, who publishes the on-line newsletter Parler Paris. This is from one of her newsletters:”There is an unspoken rule among Parisians that one should dress with respect to the city. The city makes an effort to be its most beautiful and the people who inhabit it should, too, so they think from their esthetic French cultural selves. This is why you don’t see the Parisians (as a rule) in sweat pants and sneakers.” And as someone who lives in a hot, muggy climate during the summer, I have to recommend skirts over shorts any, any, any day FOR COMFORT, regardless of my (low) opinion on shorts in general. Skirts shade the legs from the sun, thus keeping them cooler than shorts, while looking a helluva lot better. I’m not talking dressy. I’m talking a big full cotton circle skirt. It’s so much cooler and more comfortable than shorts. And you won’t be sticking to any seats!
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To Lisa Simeone:Wearing shorts to a funeral is disrespectful to the other mourners and to the deceased. I still believe that wearing clothing other people don’t like doesn’t show any lack of self-respect.
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You’ll have to ask the other commenters. I was remarking on the lack of respect for a public sphere. I never mentioned self-respect. I’ll have to think about that one.
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@lisa simeoneI too endure hot, muggy summers and I must say that skirts result in something I simply cannot stand: the sensation of hot sweaty thigh against hot sweaty thigh. Ugh. In hot weather I’d go for shorts or cool pants any day over a skirt. Unless, of course, I was wearing pantihose (unlikely in that weather) or light shorts under the skirt!I discovered this truth when very young: in ballet class one summer we were complaining about the absolute rule that one must always, but always, wear tights under a leotard. So our teacher said, ok, next class just once you can come in bare legs. Well we did, and it was such a truly disgusting and generally unattractive experience that we never again complained about the tights rule! (There are other good reasons for this, of course, such as keeping muscles warm and protecting one’s feet inside the slippers, but we were mainly concerned about comfort.)
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I think some readers are reading too much into some of the comments. Pamela was talking about Madrid, where the locals dress better and believes in the “when in Rome…philosphy.” I think MOST of the commenters are talking about sloppy shorts, jeans and tees and not stylish walking or city shorts, or nice, clean hole-free jeans. In Texas (where I lived for nearly 10 years) jeans are acceptable everywhere from the boardwalk to the boardroom. BUT most Texans, wear neatly pressed jeans with a crisp pressed shirt and clean polished boots. My grandmother, who grew up poor, one of 12 children born to Italian immigrants told me, “As long as your dress is pressed and your shoes are shined you will always look well dressed and no one will know how poor you are.” I believe you can still dress neat and presentable while still being comfortable. Comfortable does not have to equal sloppy anymore than well dressed has to equal uncomfortable.I have read through the comments agian and the only reference I have found to slef respect is LitBrit’s on people wearing work out clothes to church (I don’t go to church but even I know that is WRONG): “I see other mothers bring their kids to Thursday Chapel wearing their workout clothes.And all it says to me is, They just don’t have much respect–for themselves, for the institution of the church and school, for whomever accompanies them.” I am sure God, Buddha, Allah, whoever could careless about what we wear to religous services as opposed to whether or not we live our lives according to their word/teachings, but if I thought I might run into the Pope, the Dalai Lama, my minister — I think I would want to be a little better dressed than my gym clothes. I do agree with Hoardmeister, it is better to be overdressed than under.
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Hi, long-time reader, first-time yadda yadda.Can anyone who’s read this book tell me whether it’s got a lot of anti-fat talk in it? I know it comes from a different era and so on, but I don’t want to pay out for it new if it’s full of how anyone who doesn’t have an 18″ waist should give up and wear a sack. Maybe I’d buy it second-hand. đŸ˜‰
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Stevy — I went through it again, and although there’s a lot of talk of Anne’s 18 inch waist and how everyone needs a proper girdle, there’s not a lot of (or any that I could find) “You Must Reduce”! talk. More like “husbands don’t like women to be too thin,” which has its own problems, but hey …
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Thanks a lot, Erin! I love your site – I haven’t taken the plunge and started doing my own sewing yet, mostly because I have an old sewing maching inherited from my mother and I’m not actually sure how to thread the thing, but ever time I see one of your lovely dresses it edges me closer. đŸ™‚
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And if this is the one I read a few years back, towards the end she lets slip that actually her waist is currently 19″, but she’s sure that it will be back at 18″ soon…I also remember a great section on whether/how you should dress to match your car.I think this one was a bit over-the-top even then – which makes it all the more of an interesting read. Inter-library loan is my suggestion. (Might the previous version have had another title?)–StarGirl
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In England, as you probably know people crack out the shorts as soon as the first glimmer of sunshine shines through in March. Shorts in the city is definitely a no no. Where I live, I have recently seen the following no less than twice. A girl, wearing veeerrrry short “cityshorts” with black tights, and you could see the gusset of the tights below the hem of the shorts. Ugh.
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Hi Stevy, do take a close look at your machine (make/model number) ‘cos you may find a pdf of the instruction booklet out there on the lovely old internet. I managed to do that with an old British chain-stitching machine I have. Otherwise, get someone who sews to take you through threading up; once shown, I’m sure you’ll remember. Don’t be put off by the age of your machine. The old ones can be better than the new, in my experience – and depending on what you’re trying to do; for basic seam-sewing of dress fabrics, you should be fine. Though you might think about treating it to a service to get it set up nicely, have the tension checked etc, so that you’re all ready to go. Is finding a general sewing-machine servicer hard work in most places? My little city still has one, but I guess they’re an increasingly rare breed. Anyway, good luck!Back to the casual wear argument, and the concerns about size-ism, my t-shirt and shorts horrors aren’t related to the size of the wearer. I just think it’s a shame to slob out at inappropriate moments. But, when it comes to people of more generous proportions, I think that most people actually suit a little more of a gentle shaping in clothes to show off the curved voluptuousness at the most flattering points. T-shirts tend to make the worst of a good job, and a lot of t-shirt-and-shorts-wear smacks of having given up with oneself. And I don’t like to see people giving up – love the skin you’re in, girls!That said, I’m happy to concede that wardrobe considerations can evaporate fast in the face of extreme heat – especially where constricting supportive under-garments may be required! We don’t get too much hot weather in UK, so I’m not well qualified to comment on just what one can/cannot bear to have on when the thermometer climbs. Anyway, live and let live!
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Extreme heat and cold are not the reasons people dress in tragic ways. Consider the Cossack coat of Russia, or the Indian sari (in my opinion a perfect garment) or the robes of desert people. The general “casualification” of British and American society is, in my opinion, the major factor. The proliferation of cheap garments may be another (because when people can have dozens of garments, they are less likely to put effort into choosing tasteful and suitable ones).
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Thanks, eirlys! I don’t think the machine’s any older than the late 1980s, so some kind soul might well have put up a PDF somewhere. Also, a friend who sews has offered to come over and take a look at it when she’s less busy with her uni course, so I’m hopeful. đŸ™‚
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Good point, Tera! You know, I’d like to see people experimenting more with just draping themselves in simple bolts of fabric (for either coolth or warmth). Let’s see more saris, wraps, sarongs and general swathing! We’d all learn so much about what suits us and how fabric and pattern behave. And it would be bound to be more elegant than standard casual gear – right?
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Good point, Eirlys! I always think it’s lovely when I see a woman in a winter coat with a big beautiful shawl wrapped around it. I never think to do that. I saw another woman on the train like that the other day. She looked so elegant. I only think of shawls in the warm weather when I know I’ll be freezing in every air-conditioned place I walk into. I have to learn to be more creative.
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I agree wholeheartedly with Yvonne. The reason why I don’t wear skirts most of the time is because of the sweaty thigh on sweaty thigh action. Maybe that’s not an issue for women who have little or no body fat in their legs or who wear nylons in the summer, but for the rest of us, it’s downright disgusting and unpleasant. Shorts never have any such problem.And while some may qualify their comments about shorts (clean, crisp, decent-length shorts vs. sloppy, holey, butt-hugging shorts), it doesn’t change the fact that Ms. Fogarty talks only of “shorts” in general (at least in the excerpt quoted in the blog post) and makes no distinction in style. It seems that to her, wearing shorts of any style, cleanliness, or size is just plain wrong.We’re not living in the 50’s anymore.
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My first thought was “This was written when?” Glad to see someone mentions the date in the comments. Is this a recent reprint? (I guess I could actually click on the link you provide, but I am too lazy.)I like the advice snippet about not cutting your travel wardrobe so deep to the bone that you leave your personality at home! Done that, regretted it, hope I learned that lesson.
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I’m a laid back gal. I do grungy work so I dress grungy but every-now-and-again I have to go “play wife” for my husband at some chic event. It was a struggle at the beginning to find a comfortable medium between being me and being my husband’s best accessory. I’m going to have to read this book now.Living in South Florida we see shorts all the time, everywhere. But when a friend of mine showed up at a very nice resturant in satin short-shorts and heels. . . lets just say everyone thought she was a professional of a different ilk.
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I don’t see why you should dress any differently as a wife than you would otherwise. That being said, these are good tips, and I guess I should take it with the knowledge that it was written in 1959.
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Sweaty thigh to thigh fix – rub anti-persipirant on you thighs. It works.
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I guess I don’t understand this sweaty thighs thing. I mean, I’m 5’7″ and weigh 140 pounds — in other words, I have plenty of meat on my bones. I live in Baltimore, where the summers are incredibly muggy, with temps often around 100 and the humidity off the charts. But when I wear summer skirts, I don’t run marathons in them. I mean, I just go about my normal day. I love to walk, but if I’m running errands that means I’m walking outside for a bit, then going into an air-conditioned store (where it’s freezing), then out again, then in again, maybe in the car at some point. And yes I sweat like a normal person. But I just don’t see this sweaty thigh thing as being a realistic problem unless one is really exerting oneself. For that, I go to the gym, where I don’t wear a skirt!
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5’7″ and 140 lbs?! That’s thin! I’m 5’2″ and 140 is thin on me!
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I don’t think anybody would call me thin. I’m pretty zaftig.A friend of mine — male — is 5’10” and 135 pounds. Now that’s thin!
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I am so glad someone has finally revealed to me that wearing shorts on the street shows a lack of respect. I will now turn them all into skirts. Glad to get the tip. (did my mom ask you to post this???)
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I wear tights, summer and winter; in the winter, they keep me warm, and in the summer, they keep me warm in the air-conditioning, and outdoors, they keep my very substantial thighs from sticking, sliding, chafing, or raising blisters against each other. For the ladies who are “NO TIGHTS!” (and/or pantyhose), any layer of fabric between your legs will keep you cool and prevent chafing, if you are not fond of antiperspirant as a solution. Thigh-hi stockings that go high enough to prevent rubbing, pantyhose with the legs cut short so you can wear your sandals barefoot, capris under your skirts so you can chase your children, pettipants, knee-length cotton pajama pants, lightweight knee-length leggings,lightweight cotton knickers with ruffles that show if you’re touching your toes; there are all manner of solutions to What Goes Under Those Skirts In The Summer.And I wear my hats everywhere!
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ooh, i’m sorry- i’m 13 and i love shorts! (not the very short ones though). but i also thik this is very silly to make rules when rules were made to be brocken and rules change according to the situation! some people look very good in shorts- others do not. case closed.P.S. i love this blog! you have such a great sense of humor, Erin!
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