Today's story is from PatternStash:
BRIDE: TODAY is the HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
BRIDESMAID #1: My feet hurt. But boy, Amy sure looks happy.
BRIDESMAID #2: This veil itches. But boy, Amy sure looks happy. Is that guy over there the groom's brother? Why didn't Amy tell me Paul had a cute brother?
BRIDE: My bridesmaids are beautiful. I am beautiful. Paul has spinach in his teeth, but I don't care. This is the happiest day of my life.
B#1: How come I had to wear gloves? And is that guy Paul's brother? He looks like Paul. Somebody should tell Paul he has spinach in his teeth. At MY wedding we won't have creamed spinach.
B#2: I wonder, would accidentally-on-purpose dropping this bouquet in front of Paul's brother be obvious, or "meeting cute"?
BRIDE: Only a hundred more pictures to go, then I can eat. For the first time in three months. Then there will be CAKE! This is the happiest day of my life.
A Dress A Day 
Bridesmaid 2 is saying… hope they are very unhappy together. He would never have left me to marry her if she hadn’t trapped him by becoming pregnant. Bridesmaid 1 is saying “I think its disgusting she married in white considering her behaviour before the wedding.
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Bridesmaid #1 is wondering why her skirt has to be like the brides–doesn’t anyone believe in individuality?– and thank goodness I can shorten it to wear to something else later. Although she never will. Bridesmaid #2 is happy she didn’t get stuck with the God-awfully hot long dress but wonders why she has a midriff just like the bride’s– doesn’t anyone believe in individuality?– but at least she can wear it again for another event. But she never will. And the bride is happy she convinced her best buds to wear a trendy color, lackluster dresses and, someday, destination weddings really will be all the rage.
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Bride: “Good lord I can’t wait to get out of this merry widow and actually be able to knock back a couple of martinis. Have to get my card bag and scoop up all the loot from all these people I’m never going to see again. What the hell is he doing coming out of that closet with that slut!”Bridesmaid in long dress: “Why oh why did she pick this blue green color? It makes me look sallow and never mind the cut of the dress. Like my hips don’t look huge enough already! But she’ll never know I’ve had the last laugh because he’ll definitely be too tired out to do a thing with her tonight after our little get together in the closet.” Bridesmail in short dress: ” Do I tell her about the slut in the long dress and what I saw her doing with the groom or do I keep my mouth shut and just wait for things to explode? Decisions decisions. Oh look! She slammed the cake right in his face. Guess I don’t have to say anything,” do I.
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My mom’s wedding dress had a similar shape, although perhaps not as poofy of skirt. The bridesmaid’s dresses were cut from the same pattern, with different detailing.I really liked the look of the wedding party, and I REALLY like the pattern she chose given that it was 1970, which did /not/ seem like a good year for wedding dress patterns.With the way the bride is holding her right hand, all I can think is “they tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no.” It’s very Amy Winehouse-esque. The bridesmaids are probably thinking “you should have.”
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I was a bridesmaid at the wedding of some friends named Amy and Paul. And I made the bridesmaid dresses.FOR SERIOUS.
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Oh, and Paul, not an unattractive guy by any means, TOTALLY has cute brothers.
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AM I the only one who loves those dresses?
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Bridesmaid: “How did we all wind up pregnant within two weeks of each other?”Mother of Bride: “I’m sure I have no idea what you are talking about.”Bride, humming: “When I say SHOTGUN, you say WEDDING”
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no, I think they’re super-cute, too, Theresa. Heck, I’d wear View 3 any day of the week. I even like that greenish shade of aqua they’ve got going on.
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Hey, and it’s actually in my size! eek! Very tempting.
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I love this dress.And I’m glad I’m not the only one who makes up stories about the illustrations on my patterns (guilty secret).
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Ah, Goldilocks… we are SO on the same page! But mine goes…Bride: This dress hides my little “bump” perfectly! Just wait until HE finds out my twin sister Sandy (Bridesmaid #2) and I switched places for the day! When shall I tell him? After the honeymoon? What pranksters we are…
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The bride does not look happy and neither does bridesmaid #1. The bride is worried that bridesmaid #1 will speak up during the “or forever hold your peace” part of the ceremony. But, she is worried about the wrong bridesmaid. Bridesmaid #2 looks so happy because she is relishing the idea of speaking out during the “forever hold your peace” part of the ceremony. She has no intention of letting Paul marry that cheating hussy without a fight. The bride took her mother’s advice of inviting her to be in the wedding party as a way to neutralize her and has mistaken her enthusiasm for wedding planning as joy for her and Paul. Neither her or her mom realize that these modern girls are so much more ruthless than girls used to be.
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I am LOL and ROTFL. Thanks for making me smile during the wet weather here.
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I have a grey dress ($6.24 Target Clearance – ISAAC M.) the bodice is like veiw three – the skirt is straighter – but with the same pleat. It’s very slimming. If this pattern were my size,I’d snatch it up!
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Bride/Veronica: As soon the honeymoon is over, I really need to break it to David that I plan to go to Sarah Lawrence this Fall. But just look at him over there. He looks so sweet and innocent.Bridesmade#1/Suzy: She is so brave. I sure hope she can make him understand why she wants a career.Bridesmade#2/Madge: I don’t know, Suzy. Does she really need one? Oh! But she is soooo beautiful.Suzy: Madge, really! It’s all she’s talked about since she was six. You know she wants to be a news reporter.Madge: I know. I just don’t understand why.
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Veronica: I don’t want to ruin this moment, but I can’t help feeling that I should be out there now. I mean, why should I put my life on hold? Things are happening NOW and I want to be ahead of them. It’s 1964 for Pete’s sake. Civil Rights, Vietnam, it’s all happening. Get married and have babies, indeed.
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ACT V – SCENE I. Dunsinane. Ante-room in the castle. Bridesmaid 1: I have two nights watched with you, but can perceive no truth in your report. When was it she last walked?Bridesmaid 2: Lo you, here she comes! This is her very guise; and, upon my life, fast asleep.Enter BRIDEBridesmaid 1: I see! Her eyes are open!Bidesmaid 2: Ay, but their sense is shut.Bidesmaid 1: Hark; she speaks!Bride: Here’s the smell of the blood still: all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. Oh, oh, oh!Bridesmaid 1: The heart is sorely charged.Bridesmaid 2: I would not have such a heart in my bosom for the dignity of the whole body.Bridesmaid 1: This disease is beyond my practice.Exeunt
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Loving the Sondheim reference.
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LOL, Cookie! The tragedy of it all!”By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes…”You gave me some serious flashbacks to reading ‘The Scottish Play’ in high school. Though I still cannot figure out why my teacher said I was perfect for the roll of The Lady…
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That’s my favorite Shakespeare play, because it’s both the shortest and a BIG FAT MELODRAMA! Woo woo!!!
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[b] By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes… [/b]Yeah, and its called a ghastly bridesmaid dress.
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Didn’t anyone else think the bridesmaids have their headgear mixed up. Wouldn’t each dress look better with the other hat? Yep.
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LOL. My goodness, Erin, I have long enjoyed your site. My daughter is now sew inspired. The Secret Lives of Dresses has long been a favorite. I’ve never been able to write like you ladies do, but now have the plot for a story to prick out. I don’t know what role dresses will play, so will just tune in here for entertainment.Thanks so much for letting me play a time or two. Have a great day!
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oh god, *love love love*, perfect interpretation! I’m getting married in three and a bit weeks and I haven’t started sewing my dress yet….I keep changing my mind about what style dress I want, and I’ve bought three different lots of fabric.If that pattern wasn’t a hemisphere away, I’d be seriously considering grabbing it!Looking forward to being able to eat again *lol*
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Why can NO ONE see that these three women are Stepford Clones? They were part of an insidious plot to destroy feminism and keep women domestic slaves to men forever. Look at their faces! They are all copies of the same Tricia Nixon Bride Barbie. Thank goodness their plot was foiled…or was it?
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View 3 Younger sister of the Bride – As soon as this is over I’m free to move to Soho with my boyfriend and live the life of an artist – free from these silly outdated conventions and most of all this silly hat.View 2 Mother of the Bride – This wedding cost her fater a bundle – the bastard. He deserves to pay after that episode with the waitress. I can’t wait for the next wedding – If he thinks this one was expensive…View 1 The Bride – When this is over I want a martini THIS big. Hawaii here I come.
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View 3 to View 2: Oh, she looks so pretty. Remember when it was your day? And to think, she caught my bouquet. I’m just so happy to have a new sister-wife. View 2 to View 3: Well, she had better enjoy being out front like that, because after today, she’d better recognize that I’m the first wife. Oh, and your skirt is way too short. You look like a slut.
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Bride: Have you seen a little man in a tuxedo? About this tall? No? Dammit, I knew I shouldn’t have worn heels – I’ve scared him off!Tiny Bridesmaids: Is that a short joke?
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@anthrokeightAlthough the modern idea of the bridesmaid dress as a sexy party dress to flatter the wearer is nice, I do wax nostalgic for the days you describe, when the bridesmaids’ dresses were variations of the bride’s in different fabric.It was sort of a visual representation of solidarity and support, as in, “We’re here to support and complement you, not necessarily to look gorgeous in our own right.” It also lent a bit of pageantry to the proceedings.All this is probably due to all the time I spent as a chorus girl helping in the costume shop, though. I remember one girl who complained about an unflattering dress, and the director said, “I don’t care if you look like the Bride of Frankenstein, as long as the group looks good together.”
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@Melissa: I agree! Pageantry is what it’s all about. Well, that and the joining of two hearts into one marriage. But you know… AND pageantry.
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View 2: The little snot. I shouldn’t even be standing here supporting her after the way she treated poor Lucy. Imagine–banishing your best friend from your wedding simply because she ate a few too many bon-bons last week. Lucy could have had her dress tailored! Just a couple inches to the waist would have been fine. But instead she gets this nincompoop to stand in for her… View 3: *Tee-hee!* I love weddings. Gosh, I wish I knew the bride. She seems like such a lovely girl. To think, just plucking me off the street like that and inviting me to be in her wedding! This is the best day of my life! Bride: This wedding is a disaster. I should have had Lucy’s dress tailored. What’s-her-name over there is driving me crazy goggling at me like that. What a dope. I’ve been so mean. I don’t deserve to get married—I don’t deserve this happiness when my best friend is suffering. Maybe I should just call it off… Nah. She’ll get over it.
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Me: Oh my god, my friend Amy is married to a Paul. I KNOW THE FUTURE OF THIS STORY.
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Melissa, I’m with you. Given that the bride generally tries to pick something that is fashionable and flattering, surely a dress/dresses that are variations on it would look nice on the bridesmaids as a group? At least, it seems to me as though they would. Once upon a time, the bridesmaids might have worn dresses identical to the bride; in theory, it would either confuse possible lurking evil spirits, or (more likely) keep any marauders swooping in from identifying the bride immediately, and making off with her. I truly appreciate the brides who want their friends to be able to wear their gowns again, but I too like the pageantry of women in cohesive outfits.
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I really got a laugh out of this one! My name is Amy, and although I married an Andrew, our Best Man’s name was Paul!!!For a minute there, I almost thought you were talking about me!
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“I want a Martini THIS big.”Perfect, I’m stealing that.
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