[*for UK readers, please substitute "trousers" for "pants" throughout. Or just giggle, I don't care.]
1. Drawing your pants legs back from someone in disgust as you pass them is insufficiently scornful.
2. Studies have shown that wearing skirts is 90% effective in preventing VPL (visible panty line).
3. Ditto for "plumber's butt," "whale tail," and "camel toe."
4. Ruffles on a skirt can be over-the-top glamorous. Ruffles on pants are only acceptable if your name is Mary, and a little lamb follows you everywhere you go.
5. It is impossible to smuggle someone in — or out — of prison, a masked ball, a hotel room, etc. by hiding them under your pants. (Plus, there is no such thing as "hooppants."
6. When you strap a gun to your thigh in pants, you lose the element of surprise.
7. You don't have to have skirts hemmed differently for flats or heels.
8. Twirling in a pair of pants results in 87% less happiness.
9. The word "skirt" has both a singular and a plural form, usable by all ("I am wearing a skirt today." "Instantly Mrs. Bagnet put some pins into her mouth, and began pinning up her skirts all round, a little higher than the level of her grey cloak.") The word "pants" has a singular than can only be used by fashion-industry people ("Designers are showing a high-waisted, wide-legged pant for fall").
10. Skirt blowing up, revealing underthings? Sexy. Pants falling down, revealing underthings? Humiliating.
[Pattern from MOMSPatterns.]
A Dress A Day 
Excellent list! I would have to add something about the skirt’s superior ability to moderate temperatures – cool and swishy in summer, warm and layered in winter.
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Please see the Sartorialist here: (http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/2008/09/on-streetsixth-avenue-nyc.html) for a visual interpretation of #10. Great list, Erin!
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There are only a few big disadvantages to skirts:1: you cannot do handstands and cartwheels in them without exposing your underthings2: you cannot play the cello in one shorter than mid-calf or so3: they are difficult to ride bikes in — too short and they are immodest, too long and they get caught in everything. (Ask me how I know.)Though for all 3 wearing bike shorts underneath will do…One advantage you left out: no one will see your fun patterned stockings under pants unless they are staring at your feet.
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Actually you can do a modest cartwheel in a skirt, even a hoopskirt…
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Hear, Hear! Great list!
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I think a parenthesis took in a skirt in no. 5…but great list nevertheless…I’m all for wearing anything that increases happiness.
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I almost never wear pants now, except during particularly cold weather and/or snowstorms.
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No one daydreams about their future Wedding PantsNo one writes novels called “The Girls in their Summer Pants”Richard Shindell would have to rewrite his song that says “a summer breeze, a cotton dress, that’s the way I remember you best” to say pants and it won’t rhyme or even mean anything as sweetWe get “dressed up” for occasions, but no one gets “pants up”
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Would it be too off-color for me to remind everyone that quickies are much quicker in skirts? (Why, yes, my mind IS firmly entrenched in the gutter; thank you for asking!)
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Priceless!I loved this list… especially the first item.And I love wearing skirts.
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I love this list! On a more practical note, skirts tend to be much more forgiving than pants if you gain or loose a few pounds.
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Agreed!
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Oh, oh, oh, I am laughing and so full of mirth! And I really don’t like pants either.
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New here. LOVE it! I started sewing when I was 11 and really sewed in years. I’m adding you to my blog roll. Maybe I will start sewing again:)
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Great list, and all true, of course! I will add that it is very difficult to sweep out of a room indignantly in pants.
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That’s a great list! I would add that no one really looks at your fantastic shoes when you are wearing pants!
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BRILLIANT!
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I love it! Yet am also now determined to sew up a pair of ruffled capris.
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oh i really needed that laugh, thank you erin, and subsequent ladies who commented 🙂
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Great list. Skirts have been my go-to wardrobe choice for a while now. Top them with a nice cotton t-shirt and there you go! Not too dressy and not dumpy or frumpy. I’ll just have to come up with some warmer ones for fall and winter.
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What I’ve always felt, summarized so succinctly! Thanks for this–must forward on…
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Re:#6 – I dunno, I think it’s pretty surprising when you have to drop trou to access the gun (I know, you were probably thinking of strapping it on OVER the pants) – though you certainly forecast your intentions more than if you just have to hike your skirt up real quick.I’m much more likely to twirl with joy or swish my skirt in contempt than attempt a cartwheel. And my current dream vehicle is one of those Dutch “oma” bikes with skirt- and chain-guards.I like pants, too – especially those wide-legged pants, which can have a similar “mood” to skirts; it’s good to have options. I’m just sad how hard it is to bicycle in a pencil skirt!
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A very timely list for me,I find my trousers are increasingly left hanging in the wardrobe in favour of skirts.
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I loveeeee this list!!Oh man, you are brilliant!!! 😀
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heeeeeeee!!!! brilliant.
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hehe! i love it!
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an all important reason: patterned pants should not be worn by anyone over 4 and a half, but patterned skirts are truly lovely. My very favorite skirt (white background, bright red tropical flowers) would look silly as a pair of pants. As a skirt, I get compliments every time I wear it. 😉
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I love this list! Here’s another one: You can wear a skirt over pants, but you can’t wear pants over a skirt!Skirts 4-evah!
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Outstanding! It’s funny ’cause it’s all true!-Sandra
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Dare I admit that I’m nearing 40 and still haven’t quite figured out the keeping my legs hairless enough to wear skirts and dresses thing? I tend to default to pants because it’s a perpetual struggle to keep my limbs in viewable condition.That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy skirts when the cold weather permits opaque tights. But I still see skirts and dresses as “difficult” for me.
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There are ways around this than don’t involve major sacrifice of comfort. (OK, I’m lucky; I’m 50 and married to a former back-to-the-land hippie who thinks it’s beyond ridiculous for women to be constantly fussed over hairless legs. As a result, I shave mine about every year.) When I do bother, I find foam-style aerosol “beard-tamer” shaving cream to be a big help. (No, not borrowed from my husband – he has a neatly-trimmed beard and moustache.) Now, granted, most of my skirts are below-knee to mid-calf. Nobody’s going to see much above ankle-area unless they deliberately look, and when I worked in an office, I wore knee-high or thigh-high nylon stockings (cannot stand pantyhose) when I thought the occasion warranted, which was probably 3 out of 5 days, October through June. Nobody fussed. Claim your freedom.
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BRILLIANT! Thanks, Erin!
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Ahhh, Jo, at last somebody has said it. That’s my issue too. But I have to tell you the solution for this shy/lazy hairy gal has been long skirts. I am a Yankee now living in the hot south and I have taken to long skirts and muu muu type things…the only sensible choice in the heat and humidity. I don’t think I will EVER feel right wearing shorts, but my skirts are getting shorter. Maybe I’m evolving.Tina – 52 and finally getting it
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Bwaahhahahahahahaha.I love your disclaimer.
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Oh yay! I LOVE this skirt pattern but moreso, your text when I scroll over the photo.. you are FUN!And this gives me an excuse to run a DAD sale.. 15% from RIGHT NOW thru Midnight EST Monday, September 15, 2008 on your order using coupon code..skirts4ever:DI have skirts galore, vintage aplenty, new old stock Vogues, Halloween costume patterns and a big buncha Barbie Doll patterns I’ve been working on. Come on over, save some money and hopefully find something you can use!xoxJen @ MOMSPatterns.. Who can’t stop wearing mini skirts and being an 80s chick even though she’s over 40 and not supposed to show her knees or the pistol strapped to her thigh..
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#10 made me LOL
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This list made my morning! #10 also made me LMAO, loudly. :)Might I add #11 (Amanda, you will appreciate this): Using the bathroom in a skirt is as easy as bunching it up. Using the bathroom in pants? Have fun with that zipper.
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I read through the list a couple of times… all very, very funny. The mental picture of number ten though, was hysterical! Thanks for the laughs!
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Amen! Skirts rock. Hairy? Don’t you just shave every morning? And when you don’t feel like it maxi skirt — or boots in winter.
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You know….I was gonna make a pair of pants for my upcoming vacation….but you’ve convinced me to make another skirt instead! 🙂
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Forget strapping a gun to your leg…a skirt hides your whiskey flask too. I guess you could also put a gun on one leg and the flask on the other. heh Besides…how else are you supposed to hitchhike?Angie @ *capricornvintage*
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jo, I waxed my legs for a number of years and it really did make a difference. I still have some hair on my legs but it’s not very noticeable. If I’m feeling really self-conscious, I just wear long skirts.I think #1 and #10 are my favorites, as well as the hovertext. I love View A in the pattern, the “tulip” hem on the skirt.
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Oh, how delightful! Let’s all skirt pants!
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I would wear skirts more often if it weren’t for pantyhose. (And no, I’m not going to go without. Nobody needs to see my pale blotchy legs.)In winter, when I can wear opaque tights that last more than two days, is when I wear more skirts and dresses.
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Love the pattern! Just last week I was thinking about making a gored skirt with scallops at the bottom…
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Great list, timely reminder for me. I just purchased my first two vintage patterns today, for skirts!Reading through the comments reminds me that I ALWAYS wore shorts under my skirts as a child, so that I could climb on the monkey bars!
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OMG–you’re #10 msde me fall over laughing! When I was a newly wed, the hubby and MIL and I were shopping at a mall. She was a lady in her 60’s, slightly heavy, and had some problems getting around, so she usually wore pants because they the most comfortable for her. When we’d been there for awhile, she came up to me clutching her waist and said we had to leave right then. It really worried me and I asked her what was wrong, was she sick? She started laughing and said no, the elastic on her underwear had broken and she couldn’t keep them up! She also said if she’d had a dress on, she would’ve just let let them fall down and keep right on walking, and she would have, too!! That’s been one of my favorite memories of her after 30 years–just the look on her face alone was priceless!
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Lady A’s shoes would give me blisters. But yay for skirts!
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You can so turn a cartwheel is a skirt, I do so often. (I admit that handstands present a problem, wear underwear you don’t mind showing off!) Centrifugal force will keep your skirt where it belongs during a cartwheel no problem.
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Reading this blog: pricelessBy the way, I have wanted to make a scalloped hem gored skirt, but how do you hem it? Or do you have to put a facing on?
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Narrow “shirt-tail” hem or bias binding, altho a facing would be nice . . . maybe in a contrast color?
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Skirts are much much easier to make and fit well.
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The internet says hoop pants *do* exist! 🙂
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I was going to say ‘add “muffin-tops” to number 3, but I suppose that you can have muffin-tops with a skirt. Not that I’ve ever seen that happen – maybe skirt-wearers are to sensible to try to cram themselves into way-too-small clothing.
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