“Ugh, I broke a nail!”
“That’s why I kick instead of punch, it’s easier on the hands—plus, studded shoes!”
“You’re so smart, Millie.”
“Stick with me, kid. We’ll make a guerrilla of you yet—those cat-callers won’t even know what happened.”
[Image from PaperLadiesShop on Etsy.]
Chip: There! Over by the canapés! Quick, before the next chukka begins!
Dip: Are you sure his is the only thumbprint that can activate the collar release button? He looks … sweaty.
Chip: It’s too late for me—save yourself!
[Pattern courtesy on Etsy.]
Here we present four stellar graduates demonstrating what they learned in our best-selling How To Look Like You’re Listening While Thinking Of Completely Unrelated Things course—available as a seminar on three long-playing records!
In this course, you’ll learn how to:
Order now and get our special bonus booklet: How To Listen Without Giving Any Sign of Encouragement That The Speaker Should Continue! Perfect for public transit, work break rooms, and large family gatherings!
Flora: Soon my “date” will be here! Little does he know this will be the last prom he ever attends! My Boutonnière of Death shall ensure it!
Nora: If … I … can … just … get … this … electric … collar … off … must … warn … Bobby!
Image is from our old pal Sandritocat, on Etsy.
Lara: If I just made these sleeves a little bigger—like, five or so feet, that’s not even two yards!—I could leave the house! Nobody could get close to me!
Sara: I’ve heard dumber ideas!
[Pattern available for sale here]
Mavis: I spent all last night sharpening my sleeve-wings—if I don’t draw first blood in this year’s Dirigible Dollies Derby, I’m just going to plop myself right down and cry!
Doris: Don’t worry, dear, I’m sure you’ll shred the other girls—you always do! Fingers crossed that this is the year I take the Puppy Picnic Princess crown!
Mavis: Either way, we go halfsies on the judge, right?
Doris: You betcha! I think he’s almost recovered from last year.
(Pattern available from LadyMarlowePatterns.)
Kelli: Honey, what did I tell you about wearing your hair like that?
Shelli: I can’t remember … something about hands? No, I remember now, something about handles?
Kelli: If you want to be a black belt like me, Shelli, you have got to take this seriously.
Nelli: No talking in the dojo! I may be the smallest Sith Lord, but I can still kill both of you with a thought.
(pattern is available here)
Betty: Goshdarnit, I thought I told Charlie: NO DRONES!
Hetty: Let me know if you want me to go get my .22 from the car.
(Today’s pattern image from Studio G Patterns on Etsy)
Pink: What’s my cue, again?
Green: I say “Double-cross me, will you?” and turn around, and then you say —
Pink: Oh! I remember: “I thought you were safely bringing up the rear, but it’s curtains for both of us, now!”
Green: I don’t know why you can’t remember this.
Pink: I just want this dumb play to be over and have it all behind me.
Green: You kind of have that now.
[image of Simplicity 2898 courtesy of MOMSPatterns.]
Blue: With these new “grab-bag” pockets, you never know what you’ll get! Last time I got a baby alligator!
Red: I should have brought my safety goggles today.
(Today’s pattern from Fancywork on Etsy.)
A Dress A Day 