Here we present four stellar graduates demonstrating what they learned in our best-selling How To Look Like You’re Listening While Thinking Of Completely Unrelated Things course—available as a seminar on three long-playing records!
In this course, you’ll learn how to:
- keep an attentive, thoughtful look on your face for up to three hours straight
- subconsciously register pauses so you can say “why, I never thought of it that way!” or “what an interesting idea!” at appropriate times
- make mental lists of things you would rather be (or should be) doing, and remember them even after you are released from your “conversation”!
Order now and get our special bonus booklet: How To Listen Without Giving Any Sign of Encouragement That The Speaker Should Continue! Perfect for public transit, work break rooms, and large family gatherings!
Flora: Soon my “date” will be here! Little does he know this will be the last prom he ever attends! My Boutonnière of Death shall ensure it!
Nora: If … I … can … just … get … this … electric … collar … off … must … warn … Bobby!
Image is from our old pal Sandritocat, on Etsy.
Lara: If I just made these sleeves a little bigger—like, five or so feet, that’s not even two yards!—I could leave the house! Nobody could get close to me!
Sara: I’ve heard dumber ideas!
[Pattern available for sale here]
Mavis: I spent all last night sharpening my sleeve-wings—if I don’t draw first blood in this year’s Dirigible Dollies Derby, I’m just going to plop myself right down and cry!
Doris: Don’t worry, dear, I’m sure you’ll shred the other girls—you always do! Fingers crossed that this is the year I take the Puppy Picnic Princess crown!
Mavis: Either way, we go halfsies on the judge, right?
Doris: You betcha! I think he’s almost recovered from last year.
(Pattern available from LadyMarlowePatterns.)
Kelli: Honey, what did I tell you about wearing your hair like that?
Shelli: I can’t remember … something about hands? No, I remember now, something about handles?
Kelli: If you want to be a black belt like me, Shelli, you have got to take this seriously.
Nelli: No talking in the dojo! I may be the smallest Sith Lord, but I can still kill both of you with a thought.
(pattern is available here)
Betty: Goshdarnit, I thought I told Charlie: NO DRONES!
Hetty: Let me know if you want me to go get my .22 from the car.
(Today’s pattern image from Studio G Patterns on Etsy)
Pink: What’s my cue, again?
Green: I say “Double-cross me, will you?” and turn around, and then you say —
Pink: Oh! I remember: “I thought you were safely bringing up the rear, but it’s curtains for both of us, now!”
Green: I don’t know why you can’t remember this.
Pink: I just want this dumb play to be over and have it all behind me.
Green: You kind of have that now.
[image of Simplicity 2898 courtesy of MOMSPatterns.]
Blue: With these new “grab-bag” pockets, you never know what you’ll get! Last time I got a baby alligator!
Red: I should have brought my safety goggles today.
(Today’s pattern from Fancywork on Etsy.)
Blue: What’s that?
Red: It’s a bird … it’s a plane …
Blue: It’s a goddamn drone, that’s what it is.
Red: Hold on, I’ll go get my .22.
This pattern (and many, many others where the the women in the illustration are looking quizzically into the sky, ah the 1940s) is at Oldpatterns.com.
An aside: I’m really, really feeling this particular style of skirt right now. It’s a great combination of length, wearing ease, simplicity of construction, and POCKETS. It doesn’t take much in the way of yardage, either. (Here are a couple more examples.)
Amelia: So you want to oversell it. Try this: “Oh, WOE, WOE, WOE is me!”
Cecelia: And that really works? It seems … undignified.
Amelia: You’d be surprised. I’ve gotten out of two speeding tickets and a school fundraising dinner!
(Today’s pattern from Etsy seller studioGpatterns.)