This Week's Pattern Story

Simplicity 8483

Oh god. When is she going to stop talking? Do you think she'd stop if I fell down dead? What if I bit her? Just bit her, right on her hand. Do you think she'd stop then? Or would she just say, "Oh, that reminds me of the time Bob bit me, did I ever tell you that story?"

I wonder if she'd notice if I said something absurd. Like, if I said "Grommet the mushrooms, Pancake," in the same tone you'd say "Oh, absolutely, Delia."

I bet I could walk over and pull the fire alarm, and she'd still be talking. Blab, blab, blab, while slung over the fireman's shoulder.

I can't stand it. I'm going to pull that dumb flower off her belt, throw it at her and run. On the count of three. One. Two …

20 thoughts on “This Week's Pattern Story

  1. I feel like Green Dress is getting ready to hook Red Dress by the nose with her two fingers. Or poke her eyes out. Or do a Vulcan death grip. Or a Three Stooges type of thing.


  2. I never grommet the mushrooms – I prefer to spackle them, instead.(Thank goodness this pattern is a B32 and way too small for me! Because Im already pretty much broke from Fabric.coms sale on dupioni silks.)


  3. Oh, Green is definitely gearing up for an eye-gouge. Shes got the manicure for it, too. I bet those nails are titanium implants under that Revlon Red enamel.I have a pattern that I think must have been illustrated by this same artist. S/he didnt do faces terribly well. My Miss Wrap Dress 1953 looks pretty constipated.


  4. Similar sentiments here, Joni – the pattern is just awesome… dangerously awesome.Although it seems Red Dress is talking to somebody else… Maybe to herself.


  5. PS: With this dress, you could cut off someones oxygen supply (and speech) by tightening the bow at the neck. Green might be considering that.


  6. ROFL!!!!! That was hilarious.I thought about you last weekend. I was at an auction with a HUGE box of old patterns…however, I did not stay to bid on them… I did however purchase a sewing machine… Singer Scholastic for $35! I found them on ebay for $249, so I feel I got a deal. Especially since my old brother bit the dust before Christmas and my MILs old singer would wake the dead!


  7. Hi, Erin. It was terrific meeting you at the wedding in Winston. (Im Bens gal pal). I LOVE all of your posts, but this one is, well, special. It has leant me catharsis in countless public interactions over the past week. Ive shared it with friends, who too confirm the powerfully positive pyschological healing it provides for the masses. Thank you. Thank you. You deserve a Pulitzer. My friend, Carter and I want to make red dress eat that flower.


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