ANNOUNCER: Today’s elbow-wrestling contestants are Katrina Williston and Melody Gunnersdottir, both of Pleasant Prairie, Minnesota.
COLOR COMMENTATOR: So a real home-town grudge match, huh, Tom?
ANNOUNCER: Well, Bob, Pleasant Prairie has been a hotbed of elbow-wrestling since a spate of unfortunate hand amputations from thresher malfunctions back in the Great Depression. But it’s only been in the last five-ten years that women’s elbow-wrestling has been drawing such a high caliber of athletes. Melody was All-American in elbow team shuffleboard in high school, before switching to elbow-wrestling as a college freshman.
COLOR COMMENTATOR: And Katrina’s background is interesting as well, isn’t it, Tom? She’s the foreman — excuse me, foreWOMAN (laughs) — at the local poultry processing plant, is she not?
ANNOUNCER: Evidently gutting thousands of chickens an hour is a fantastic training regimen. She was the cleanup wrestler on her plant’s intramural elbow-wrestling team and her manager encouraged her to go pro.
COLOR COMMENTATOR: In fact Prairie Chicken Processors is her #1 sponsor. She has a great chicken recipe blog, viewers should check it out at KatrinaKlucks.com!
ANNOUNCER: And we’re starting the match. Melody is really taking advantage of choosing the Upper position in the coin flip. Look at that leverage!
COLOR COMMENTATOR: But these women are such showing such true sportsmanship — sorry, sportsWOMANship (laughs). Gravity may be a bitch, but these wrestlers are pure ladies.
ANNOUNCER: You said it, Bob.
[Pattern available here.]