Category: Pattern Stories

Today’s Pattern Story: Vogue 7895

Erin1 Comment
Two women in 1950s back-wrap sleeveless dresses are looking off into the distance. The woman in the blue dress has a supercilious look on her face; the woman in the red dress looks mildly amused.

Cheryl: I don’t think I would have tried to defend my thesis topic at the department chair’s barbecue, but that’s just me.

Beryl: Poor Fred! I don’t think he’d know scholarship if it were in a package labeled “100% pure scholarship”, delivered by a boy wearing a “Scholarship Delivery Service” hat, singing “Here’s your hot fresh scholarship, sir!”

Cheryl: It’s the “great man theory” of history, not the “my great uncle theory” of history.

Beryl: To be fair, Fred’s great uncle was a looker. I’d have made history with him.

[Pattern on Etsy, from DeborahHarrysWhatNot.]

Today’s Pattern Story (Simplicity 2507/2115)

Erin4 Comments
Vintage pattern envelope showing two women in sundresses with little jackets, looking to their left
Vintage pattern envelope showing two women in sundresses and jackets, looking to their right.

Turquoise: There’s only room for ONE Sundress Jacket gang in this town, see, and it ain’t you.

White: You know, you’re half right. Don’t worry, you can always go play with the romper kiddies at the beach. (ominous pause) After we’re done with you.

Green/Red (in chorus): Jackets off, girls! Take ’em down!

Today’s Pattern Story: Simplicity 1170

Erin4 Comments

Simplicity 1170 four women in blouses with patient looks on their faces

Here we present four stellar graduates demonstrating what they learned in our best-selling How To Look Like You’re Listening While Thinking Of Completely Unrelated Things course—available as a seminar on three long-playing records!

In this course, you’ll learn how to:

  • keep an attentive, thoughtful look on your face for up to three hours straight
  • subconsciously register pauses so you can say “why, I never thought of it that way!” or “what an interesting idea!” at appropriate times
  • make mental lists of things you would rather be (or should be) doing, and remember them even after you are released from your “conversation”!

Order now and get our special bonus booklet: How To Listen Without Giving Any Sign of Encouragement That The Speaker Should Continue! Perfect for public transit, work break rooms, and large family gatherings!

Today’s Pattern Story: Simplicity 1374

Erin2 Comments

Simplicity-1374

Mavis: I spent all last night sharpening my sleeve-wings—if I don’t draw first blood in this year’s Dirigible Dollies Derby, I’m just going to plop myself right down and cry!

Doris: Don’t worry, dear, I’m sure you’ll shred the other girls—you always do! Fingers crossed that this is the year I take the Puppy Picnic Princess crown!

Mavis: Either way, we go halfsies on the judge, right?

Doris: You betcha! I think he’s almost recovered from last year.

(Pattern available from LadyMarlowePatterns.)

Today’s Pattern Story: Vogue 7337

Erin3 Comments

Vogue 7337

Kelli: Honey, what did I tell you about wearing your hair like that?

Shelli: I can’t remember … something about hands? No, I remember now, something about handles?

Kelli: If you want to be a black belt like me, Shelli, you have got to take this seriously.

Nelli: No talking in the dojo! I may be the smallest Sith Lord, but I can still kill both of you with a thought.

(pattern is available here)