Prison Break!

Forever 21 striped dress
Okay, who thought this was a good idea? C'mon, fess up. You're not in trouble. I'm not angry … I'm just disappointed. I think you might have to have a time out, think this over, and figure out where you made some bad choices, all right?

As I've said before: if they can't get the catalog shot right, when there are stylists and alterations people and clothespins and hot and cold running fussing, the actual dress itself is doomed. This one is especially doomed. The skirt isn't hanging evenly, and it's off-kilter at the hips, too. I won't open up the horizontal stripes flamewar jumping-off point, except to say that just like people, there are bad stripes and good stripes and these — well, these aren't helping old ladies cross the street.

The worst part is that, because this is at Forever 21, I will probably see this out and about quickly. I bet someone busts this out the first warm day in April. I see it happening (in slo-mo, just like a car crash!) with a red zip-front hoodie, some inappropriately sequined footwear, and an armful of bangle bracelets or a tangle of cheesy necklaces.

I'm thinking about getting some tracts printed up to hand out to any poor unfortunates I see wearing this, encouraging them to get saved, and to renounce the horizontally striped poly-rayon jersey dresses and all their works. Something along the lines of a Jack Chick booklet, although, unlike Mr. Chick, I probably won't blame the pope. (He's much too stylish! He would never countenance this.)

0 thoughts on “Prison Break!

  1. I kinda like that dress!! I know that the black and white stripes are hard to pull off without looking like a prisoner, but I think that dress passes the test because of the way they designed the skirt. I have surely seen uglier things!!


  2. That skirt’s made up of panels of stripes running in different directions, isn’t it? I’m afraid if I look at it too long or too hard, I’ll get a seizure.


  3. your description of likely accessorizing caused the eye in my mind to explode. I will be sending you the bill soon.


  4. Ooof. That dress looks impossible to pull off, unless your waist is somewhere below your ass. That said, if the dress were bias-cut, it might look somewhat passable?


  5. I went out dancing last night, and I SAW this dress on a girl at the club. And it was shortly after I read this posting, and I laughed and pointed it out to my friend who also reads the site. Good call, Erin. The dress is already making the rounds.


  6. There is some really bad action going on at the hipline. Because this is not my blog, and people don’t know where to find me, I am willing to take a stand and say that Horizontal Stripes Are Nearly Always A Bad Idea; they certainly aren’t as good an idea as often as there are people sporting them. For people who love their horizontal stripes, No Matter What, that’s fine; this is the land of the free, after all. But bear in mind a couple of things: Make sure you want that area broadened, because that’s what horizontal stripes do (so, not necessarily a bad thing for those who consider themselves less busty or hippy than they’d like to be); and horizontal stripes will accent any spots (shoulders, hips, bosoms) which are asymmetrical. Much better are stripes which match in a “V” center front, broadening the shoulders and narrowing the waist (Please note that if the stripes are in an upside-down “V” – “^”, it will narrow the bust and widen the waist.)And stripes which do not match at the seams are a Very Bad Thing indeed.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s