Say It Ain't So


Old Navy Safari Romper

I saw these on the TV screen last week. Old Navy was advertising this particular style during LOST — and OMG, did you see LOST this past week? — and I believe that I jumped higher, screamed louder, and got scared-er during the Old Navy ad that featured this horror than I did during the Stunning Conclusion To This Week's Episode.

Because, frankly, short-shorts rompers? Are enough to give anyone nightmares.

For the moment, let's leave out how you are possibly going to use public restrooms in this thing without dragging part or all of it into the toilet; that simply goes without saying.

Instead, concentrate on just how wrong the proportions of this thing are. The dropped waist! The below-elbow, but not three-quarters, sleeves! The teeny, weeny inseam of Doom! The very weirdly placed breast (or maybe, floating-rib) pocket!

Old Navy was advertising this using their skinniest and leggiest models, and they still all looked like a plate of Hot Mistake with a side of Mental Deficient. There is absolutely no way to wear this and be taken seriously. There are very few ways to wear this and not look as if you lost a particularly disastrous bet. (One would be wrapped around your head as a turban.)

And please, people, believe me. I know whereof I speak. I was a young teen, in Florida, in the early 1980s. I know all of the enticing forms that jumpsuits can take, and the few times that I 'experimented' — well, let's just say that the flashbacks are debilitating. I can scarcely pass a tropical-print-floral rayon without vomiting, even today.

To sum up, this romper:

— does not allow for the speedy completion of necessary bodily functions
— makes you look like you're playing Tweedledee in the "Out of Africa" version of Alice in Wonderland
— drains personal dignity faster than Jello body shots
— is guaranteed to disflatter 99.99% of women (and most men, barring a few really in-shape go-go dancers)
— doesn't even get the POCKETS right

Now, you're all grownups. You can wear what you like. But if I see you wearing this …. I will just be very disappointed, that's all.

0 thoughts on “Say It Ain't So

  1. Oh yes, jumpsuits… I was never daft enough to wear a short version, but I remember them all right. There are only so many ways to arrange pieces of cloth on a human body, so it was inevitable that someone would try to revive this style at some point.

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  2. I fast forward through commercials, so mercifully managed to miss this one during Lost, then was horrified this morning when it appeared in my email inbox! Wear as a turban? Maybe. How about remodeling it into a garage floor cleaning device?

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  3. It looks slightly crumpled in this publicity photo, which means that if you wore it and had the temerity to try sitting down, the jumpsuit would punish you severely with nasty creases right across your lap.I also think it needs a collar to give it the sort of safari suit finesse it would need to pull off that shade of beige.

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  4. This horrid disaster can only be superseded by the unmitigated, horrifying mess of the plus sized range. Barring a few items, ON really needs to turf their plus size designers, and actually get some designers in who are plus sized themselves, and put a stop to the babydoll tops, the square necklines, the slash pockets, excessively wide kimono sleeves… and those bermuda shorts…please!It’s great ON has such a big range of readily priced plus size clothing, it sucks big hairy donkey b…err a lot, that they ditched the in store presence, but gee, could it have been the horrid, horrid designs that came out in the plus range, that didn’t come close to echoing the cute – and cheap – std size lines that might have not had it sell well?

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  5. oh my yes-I spotted something WORSE in a Paris department store window this past summer.A shorts romper-suit with PUFFY BALLOON LEGS, a ruffly floral under shirt, and, the clincher, an over-sized RED BOW!a picture of it can be found here:http://e-laboratory.blogspot.com/under the 2007 section greetings from paris. must be seen to be comprehended in all it’s ghastly horror.Just say “no” girls, just say “no”…

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  6. Oh my goodness – I just snorted tea across my computer screen at your wonderful way with words:”Old Navy was advertising this using their skinniest and leggiest models, and they still all looked like a plate of Hot Mistake with a side of Mental Deficient”I have SO got to use that description in conversation more often.

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  7. I’m so glad that someone was brave enough to speak out against the atrocious evil of jumpsuits. And yet, as I was reading your post, all I could think of was how many high school girls will be giving into the unspeakable evil this summer.It makes me shake my head in disgust.

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  8. I saw a similar version in a recent issue of Lucky. I had to comment on it as well . Are they ganging up on us to make us think we need these?

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  9. jumpsuits are cute on little kids (and practical when they have crotch snaps!) but they can’t be tan!Old Navy’s t-shirts seem to have gotten longer, sadly they are appear to be verging on unflattering. (I did not try them on, perhaps they’re not so bad?)

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  10. Thank you sooo much for commenting on these. I was just as scandalized when I was last in Old Navy and saw them, and I cringe every time I think of someone wearing them with all seriousness.

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  11. That is just terribly frightening.What’s even more frightening is the price point which allows even MORE people to succumb to this atrocity.And hello! I’m a new reader of your great blog. πŸ™‚

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  12. yes, it has even struck in the kids department. the shirts are suck that i could give them a good stretch and go out in my new mini dress

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  13. Seems to me this fashion(for lack of a better word) is comparable to the Edsel of car models. Gee, sure I’d just love to go back to the 1970s gymsuit from hell I wore at Washington High School in Phoenix where they tried to take our oh so thin bodies (yes I was thin back then) and make us look as androgynous as they could. Or as my 10 and 9-year old daughters would say, “You have GOT to be kidding Mom.”

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  14. I certainly wouldn’t wear this jumpsuit, but then, I don’t have the figure for that dropped waist look. However, if jumpsuits are “in” again, I might be able to wear a cute one that I have tucked away in my closet; I just couldn’t bear to get rid of it when I started gaining weight.Of course, I’ll have to lose a ton of weight first. And it will probably look terrible on me since I’m now an “old lady”, but I want to be able to wear it again anyway.But this thing? Definitely not flattering!

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  15. i am contemplating buying one of these when old navy realizes they can’t possibly sell them and have them priced down to a buck, picking out the inseam, and turning it into a shirt.

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  16. Ahem…I would wear this. In fact Jennifer Lopez wore something similar a few years ago.The only problem, I fear, is that this one-piece jumpsuit wouldn’t be long enough in the torso for me. I sew because I’m long-waisted and just about every blouse, top, sweater and t-shirt is too short for me. That said, a jumpsuit like this isn’t a high-priority for me to make. At least right now. A snowsuit is more likely at this juncture.

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  17. Obviously dangerous to read this on a wobbly chair. I nearly fell off this morning laughing. I had enough trouble wrestling a toddler into one the other day (have apparently lost my mothering edge) to want to avoid them for everyone, not just adults.

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  18. For those of us of “a certain age,” these are not only the rompers of doom, they are also the prototype for the gym suits of doom, another totally unusable garment.

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  19. In my skinny days (1970’s) I wore a pale blue denim jump suit, with proper pants length legs, button down the front and afro style hair. The jump looked good (then) but what a nightmare in the Loo. I loved that damn thing though. Pretty sure my sisters and I had a few shorts style ones too!

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  20. Er – I actually love jumpsuits. Some, anyway! I loved some in the 80’s! But *always* with long pants and sleeves at flattering lengths. … I wouldn’t (and couldn’t) wear this one!I’ve got a real favourite in mixed floral prints from La Cache (April Cornell) from around 1992 that I won’t throw out, even though it got holey. It’s really more of an overalls thing.Anyway. Sometimes I wish for a really fun giant child-like jumpsuit in enlivening colours but with a re-designed crotch so that one can use a washroom without having to get totally undressed! I mean, how bad it can get in traditional jumpsuits if you’re also wearing over it a buttoned-up coat with a scarf that ties closed the coat collar, plus a shoulder bag slung over the scarf and coat to boot! You practically have to strip right down and make sure not to “drag” any part of ANYTHING through the toilet! And there’s not enough room to take all of that stuff off in a tiny stall, nor enough places to hang all your precious clothes as you shed them!So I keep trying to figure out how to make a jumpsuit with a really stylish and fun trap door inspired by what the old longjohns had, or else with a big flap of fabric hanging down from the front that goes between the legs and its two wings spread out and come around the waist again from behind to tie in the front (a little like some Asian men’s pants I’ve seen somewhere), or even with snaps like with onesies although I think the metal bits would be annoyingly cold against the skin. Haven’t actually TRIED to make one yet, though!Erin, I just loved your post today. I laughed right through it and read it again to repeat the enjoyment, and there’s not a lot of things that make me laugh easily!

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  21. Definitiely gym-suit flashbacks here. Make it in an unflattering shade of forest-green and I will start to hear the butchy voice of gym teacher Sister Mary-Ellen.

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  22. Anything that requires this level of undressing just to use the loo is pure fricking evil, alright.Don’t get me started about bringing back “who wears short-shorts”…

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  23. another Sign [as if we needed one] of the End Times, and a harbinger of the End of Civilization As We Know It.The marketing team that added this to the product line should all be forced to wear these in public so that we can force them to endure our ridicule πŸ˜‰

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  24. I liked how Old Navy called this their “Urban Explorer” collection – it reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Elaine is in charge of the J Peterman catalog and makes the disastrous “Urban Sombrero”….

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  25. Omg, that is some serious comedy. Thanks for the laugh, I haven’t laughed that hard in a few days, lol, and I was in my college library, too! AH! I could hardly breathe!!!

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  26. I wouldn’t buy a jumpsuit because it just wouldn’t fit right. But you can be damn sure I’m going to make a couple. I’m tickled they are back in.Melody

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  27. i can’t believe this post generated so many responses…. it seems the fear of jumpsuits might be a good topic for psychology today…

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  28. I had a jumpsuit back in the seventies, I used it for a weight gage. If I could get it on I was doing OK. Haaaaaahhhhhhaaaa made me come out of lurkdom. Love your blog Erin.

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  29. Yeah, what meegiemoo said. I have a pretty low Go Fug Yourself tolerance, but I just can’t stop thinking of this picture: Chloe Sofugny

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  30. this is also a perfect example of the kind of thing old navy would astutely decide to offer in their miniscule plus size range. Not pretty dresses, not cute trench coats, not practical tops, but a 1 inch inseam romper. with belt. mark my words. mark my words.

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  31. Eeeewwww! Has anybody else noticed how Old Navy does this…they take some weird twist and advertise it so much that somebody, somewhere starts buying it. Striped sweater vests, cuffed capris, odd fleeced things…all sorts of strange items…but this is the strangest. And we will see young things walking around on the streets in this. And she’ll think she looks great. Oh my.

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  32. I used to wear stuff like that when I painted apartments.Only mine was make of Tyvek.Since when has anyone over the age of 12 bought anything from Old Navy?The Gap messed up when they hurried to close Forth & Towne, then wondered why they couldn’t get any women 30+ to buy their merchandise.

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  33. The commercials made me all but barf, too.Then, today, I saw someone wearing one.She was an attractive enough girl. Too bad it looked like she was wearing a wrinkled potato sack!(Have you noticed that even in the commericals they are wrinkled?!)

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  34. Wow, unsexy short shorts! Who’d have thought it possible? Old Navy has really broadened my horizons here!That floating rib pocket does add a certain je ne sais quoi, perhaps a touch of alien chic?

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  35. I did a post about these about a week ago titled: “The Horror.”They’re appalling. I saw them in the store, and they were appalling.

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  36. Dye it dark blue and it could pass for the Jr. High PE costume I was forced to wear back in 1970!The ONLY jumpsuit I ever wore was also in the 70’s when I a darn good shape; it had white, flowing pants, and a triangle cut out over the tummy (not the navel), the upper fabric was white with yellow sunflowers and bees.Cute as a bugs ear I was.*sigh*I’m turning 50 on Thursday…..Tru

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