Say It Ain't So


Old Navy Safari Romper

I saw these on the TV screen last week. Old Navy was advertising this particular style during LOST — and OMG, did you see LOST this past week? — and I believe that I jumped higher, screamed louder, and got scared-er during the Old Navy ad that featured this horror than I did during the Stunning Conclusion To This Week's Episode.

Because, frankly, short-shorts rompers? Are enough to give anyone nightmares.

For the moment, let's leave out how you are possibly going to use public restrooms in this thing without dragging part or all of it into the toilet; that simply goes without saying.

Instead, concentrate on just how wrong the proportions of this thing are. The dropped waist! The below-elbow, but not three-quarters, sleeves! The teeny, weeny inseam of Doom! The very weirdly placed breast (or maybe, floating-rib) pocket!

Old Navy was advertising this using their skinniest and leggiest models, and they still all looked like a plate of Hot Mistake with a side of Mental Deficient. There is absolutely no way to wear this and be taken seriously. There are very few ways to wear this and not look as if you lost a particularly disastrous bet. (One would be wrapped around your head as a turban.)

And please, people, believe me. I know whereof I speak. I was a young teen, in Florida, in the early 1980s. I know all of the enticing forms that jumpsuits can take, and the few times that I 'experimented' — well, let's just say that the flashbacks are debilitating. I can scarcely pass a tropical-print-floral rayon without vomiting, even today.

To sum up, this romper:

— does not allow for the speedy completion of necessary bodily functions
— makes you look like you're playing Tweedledee in the "Out of Africa" version of Alice in Wonderland
— drains personal dignity faster than Jello body shots
— is guaranteed to disflatter 99.99% of women (and most men, barring a few really in-shape go-go dancers)
— doesn't even get the POCKETS right

Now, you're all grownups. You can wear what you like. But if I see you wearing this …. I will just be very disappointed, that's all.

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0 thoughts on “Say It Ain't So

  1. for the ON phobes,it is being totally re-merchandised as we speak.goodby denim, hello H&M style junior wear.p.s. I made this in 1971, when it was called “hot pants” and a button front midi-skirt to wear over it (worn mostly un-buttoned), in that home ec class where yesterday’s sewing quiz on ditto paper was handed out to test our sewing know-how.

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  2. Further evidence that Gap, Inc. is not an arbiter of style. The designers must be sitting back having a good laugh at the schmucks who buy this stuff simply because Gap says so.

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  3. So, in 1984 I had this cute white cotton shorts jumpsuit with multicolor neon “paint spatters” like a Jackson Pollock design. I was 12, petite and thin, and the look worked back then. The suit had a 5 or 6 inch inseam and little cap sleeves, so the proportion was correct, and for the 80s, it was flattering. Still h@!! in the bathroom which I remember well.This jumpsuit looks like a safari design gone horribly wrong. And I’m 36 now. My 9-month-old is the onesie wearer these days, and even those wouldn’t work without the crotch snaps.

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  4. tropical-print-floral rayon!!!!!My first job 1984 Jo-Ann Fabrics, sold, sewed, and wore ALOT of that stuff…..! As for jumpsuits, I just ignore them, they will go away, they always do.

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  5. I much prefer the Out of Africa safari look. Circa 1986, I was scooping up long safari skirts like no tomorrow. I would wear them today- or maybe this summer…

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  6. Oh yes, the jumpsuit. I had a few. I’m trying hard to forget.I haven’t bought anything from the GAP in at least 10 years. To me, they went wrong when they stopped focusing on the preppy, casual basics.

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  7. Ever notice there are more posts generated wen we HATE something,as oppsoed to things we love. Everyone’s posts of jumpsuits past are bringing back some PAINFUL 80s memories. I even had one that looked liek a tuxedo. I think I had 5, yes count them , 5 jumpsuits. Good Lord what was I thinking! I am so glad my taste has improves. (one was indian torquise with light pink piping and an obi belt….I’m not making this up.)

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  8. I suspect that these are being marketed to boost sales in adult diapers – coming soon in designer colors, i.e. GhAGki. Until the designer diapers catch on, (ooh! Depends Thongs!), victims should be allowed to undress and pee in any ON dressing room.

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  9. I’ve read all the comments and was appalled to see that nobody pointed out that not even a go-go girl with the best of bodies would look good on this. Maybe a skinny model could not look fat, but she would surely look frumpy.

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  10. These would look fine on the bodies and proportions for which they were originally designed:Chimpanzees.Seriously; look at those proportions! Made for a primate, but not one of us!I actually admit to hanging on to a lovely jumpsuit, in the event I can get back into it: black wook jersey, with a dashing leather insert at the waist. *sigh*And, Divajean, I second the Out of Africa safari look, with skirts! And hats! And lace-edged linen blouses!Not this … this … this chimp change.La BellaDonna

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  11. A nice summary, and certainly more coherent than my horrified thought upon seeing said rompers — which was basically, “Get the behind me, Satan!”

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  12. Yes, it is truly an atrocity! I had a few cotton jumpsuits in the 80’s. I had to wear suits to my job (at Casual Corner!) and after work I would slip into a lovely little jumpsuit that felt like nothing and cute little espadrilles. I too loved the Out of Africa look. Remember how big it was at Limited?

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