"Random Bride," America's favorite faux-relationship reality show, shook the dice once again in its stunning season finale, marrying ALL the contestants to men plucked from a random casting call held earlier this year in the Silver Lake Starbucks.
Contestants had earlier been told that they would be competing for a dream wedding package, including a "mystery groom."
"This way we're ALL winners," declared Claire Deloon, the fan favorite and season-long front runner. "Except for the girls not getting endorsement deals, of course."
"All the brides were so radiant, so toned, so downright obsessive about the details, that we thought it would be a shame not to marry them all off," said Executive Producer Larry Lumpen.
After the multiple-couple ceremony, the newly-married couples celebrated in a reception on the soundstage. Their honeymoons are also being taken jointly, and will be filmed for a future "Random Bride: After the Cake" special. (Airdate TBD.)
Next season, the producers are planning to launch "Random Bride: Ball and Chain," where three lucky women will have the weddings of their dreams … to men serving life sentences in maximum-security prisons.
[Writing this I can't believe how downright plausible it all sounds … sanctity of marriage my foot. And yes, I'm looking at you, Maine!]