Wrathful Bridesmaid

You know, as much as we make fun of pattern illustrations, sometimes we need to be reminded of the alternative:

Vogue 9452

I mean, look at this image. The dress itself is nice enough (what you can see of it) and would actually make a lovely special-event dress.

However, the model is clearly planning to kill you (and all the other guests) just after the cake is cut, then build a giant bonfire of the wedding presents. Which she will ignite with her handy laser-eyes. Then she will go on a tri-state kill spree (still wearing the dress and holding the bouquet). She may, in fact, use the bouquet as her weapon.

(This pattern is available at Patterns of the Past, if you're brave enough.)


30 thoughts on “Wrathful Bridesmaid

  1. You have a great way of capturing the…essence of what is really going on in pattern-envelope-land. Thank you for making me laugh. :Dau revior,~j.b.


  2. Id say she is so evil because the groom made her believe that he loved her but then her best friend, Buffy, surprised her with the news of the sudden engagement (which she believes was only a result of the lie Buffy told the groom about a certain joyful event that would occur in 8 months).There is no wrath like a scorned woman.But those are just my own thoughts on the situation…


  3. Wow. I like a defined eyebrow, but…um…yeah. You know, up through the 1960s, models did their own hair and makeup for photo shoots. So this lady brought this look on herself. Do you spell Scotch?


  4. Oh dear. I meant to type Do you SMELL Scotch, and only succeeded in giving the impression I was nipping away at the bottle, myself. Maybe the Killer Lady changed the spelling??? She has awesome powers!


  5. Oh! If you follow that (Overly)Severe Eyebrow pattern link, there are envelope illustrators at that site Ive never seen before! And just when I thought I had seen it all…


  6. Oh! I have that one in my store, in Bust 36, and thought the same thing when I listed it. Whacked out bridesmaid who needs another drink.


  7. Re: product placements. Thats where all the fun is to be found. Dont like em, dont click em. I love the different view of things on this blog.


  8. Fifties sophisticate fashion models always look like Cruella de Villes in training. Hard as cut glass.You just know that shes been stalking the groom since fourth grade and that this is the final straw.


  9. Maybe her support garments are too tight? Maybe the bride is her much-younger sister? Maybe her shoes shrunk while being dyed to match? Maybe she is having an allergic reaction to the Red Dye #3 in the wedding cake roses? So many possibilities.


  10. Everyones sepculations on the Eybrow Ice Queen are hilarious! I love this blog (…and the very entertaining product placements).


  11. I can just picture some 1950s or 1960s B slasher movie poster with this picture on it in the lobby of a movie theater!


  12. Also: What is that on either side of the top of her head?! Some sort of proto Princess Leia do? Gertie…those might be Forward-Reaching Hat Claws, decorated with big flowers.You know the old type of crescent-shaped hats, that grip your head from behind, kind of like The Alien in its mid(crabby) stage? This could be one of those, festooned. (Usually theres a wisp of net, too…but the hat might have ate it.)


  13. Im sure if the pic was higher res we could see that those odd bumps are part of a hat, and most likely there is a veil, but pic is too fuzzy.


  14. She wouldnt look all that bad without those eyebrows… I mean with some more normally shaped eyebrows. She would just look stiff and not very pleased…But with the eyebrows – wow. Id be able to believe those laser eyes!


  15. Re: product placements. It actually reminds me more of the academic habit of citing sources. Which is a fair thing to do. And with the fun found here, it also makes me realise the lists of bibliogrpahies at other texts do have a reason for their existance, and could be worth checking out…


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