Fontana of Italy, in a feat never before attempted in pongee, novelty cottons, shantung, or faille, is performing the incredibly difficult REVERSE BOLERO with this pattern.
Previous attempts have ended in weird stomach wrinkles, odd tan lines, intermittent choking sensations, and having to ask strangers in the ladies' room to unbutton you when you get too hot.
Fontana, however, remains confident that this pattern will be the one to pull it off. "It will take a special kind of woman to help me complete my dream. Preferably, one who never sits down. That would be ideal."
Independent observers are skeptical. "Even if he does pull it off," said one Austrian judge who preferred to remain anonymous, "Everyone knows the Russian judge will give him lower marks on principle. As will Chanel."